Al Campbell, Field Editor

April 1st, 2002

An Attack on Cane Rods
By Al Campbell

A recent news bulletin has me worried. It seems a national environmental organization is proposing legal action to try to push a ban on the use of bamboo or cane fishing poles. This would also ban the use of classic and modern cane fly rods. They have been joined by most of the mainstream environmental and animal rights groups in their push to have the use of bamboo or cane fishing utensils outlawed in this country and, if possible, everywhere.

The focus of this litigation is centered on the idea that bamboo plants are living beings. It also focuses on the idea that cutting those living beings with the idea of making utensils used to torture fish is unacceptable. One spokesman for the environmental organizations recently stated that "It's unbearable to think that these plants must die to support an industry whose goal is to torture fish. We can't, in good conscience, stand by any longer and let this needless destruction of living beings continue."

The animal rights crowd has embraced this as a possible way to force a ban on all fishing in general. Citing their longstanding relationship with the environmental community, one of their spokesmen recently stated: "We would like to join our good friends, who we have worked with many times in the past, in supporting this humanitarian effort. No living being should be forced to forfeit its life merely to entertain other living beings. This is especially true if that forfeiture involves a so-called "sport" that's sole purpose is to torture and humiliate other living beings like fishing does."

A spokesman for the two most radical factions of the animal rights and environmental communities had these comments: "This is good news! Supporters of both of our groups have fought for years with both pen and torch to end the needless slaughter of trees, plants and animals. There is no reason that any living being should be sacrificed to entertain another living being. We support this action and join our colleagues in whatever actions are necessary to make this happen."

A lawyer, working on behalf of the petitioners, has filed a motion in court to exclude testimony from the fishing and timber industries citing a "right-wing plot" as reasons for the motion. His statement to reporters after the motion was filed was: "These people have demonstrated their desire, as part of a right-wing plot, to rape and destroy our Mother Earth. They have joined this political administration in its attempts to clear-cut the earth's forests, dump oil and other debris in the oceans and rivers, destroy all animal life, and make this planet uninhabitable for any living being. With the timber industry raping the forests by slaughtering all of its bamboo; and the fishing industries using that bamboo to strip the worlds waters of all living beings, this plot must be stopped before they destroy all life on this planet."

The judge in this case (a known and outspoken animal rights advocate and environmentalist) has tentatively agreed to the motion, pending "the unlikely possibility that either group will have anything credible to say in their defense." He has refused to allow lawyers from either the fishing or timber industries to petition his court in this matter. Any callers to his office have been told that the judge refuses to discuss this matter before the actual outcome of the case is final.

A spokesman for the timber industry said, "This is grim. If we can't even argue our position in court, the outcome is a foregone conclusion." When I approached a spokesman for the fishing industries for a statement, he said he would have to get back to me. "We can't seem to get a firm commitment to any official stand on this matter" he stated. "It seems there are factions in this business that are constantly at odds with each other on whether it's better to use cane or graphite for fishing; and they can't agree to a united statement on this matter either."

If this has you upset (and it should), there is something you can do about it. Don't let this opportunity pass you by. Get up from your computer, go to the mirror, look yourself in the eye and say "gotcha." Happy April 1st (April Fools Day).
Cane Under A Tack ~ AC

Previous Al Campell Columns
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