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Most people look with envy at the life of a fishing guide. International travel,
endless cocktail parties, always being photographed with the rich and famous.
And it’s pretty much all true and accurate. In fact, if you discount
constantly sleeping in the back of dusty pick up trucks, less than perfect
personal hygiene, eating too much junk food and consuming enough alcohol on
a weekly basis to kill a small elephant, there’s really only one thing
that would improve a guide’s lot. And that is more women, or to be more
precise, guiding more women. For a sport that is innately suited to the attributes
of the fairer sex, it is a shame so few partake. We alpha males can learn
an awful lot by spending time on the river with some female company, so I
strongly suggest that for the following reasons, any guy reading this goes
and takes a shower, flosses, changes his shirt and goes and asks one to the
river.
Casting: Spend a few minutes watching a woman cast, and if
you pay attention you’ll start to figure it out. Casting is all about
timing and finesse, not the girth of your bicep. Face it, something in a male’s
genetic programming tells him that if he puts something in his hand, he has
to try and throw it as far and as hard as he can. But women tend to be more
emotional creatures, in tune with their senses and feelings. This in turn
leads to a more sensitive cast, letting the rod and line work in tandem to
achieve the desired result. End result – less cussing, less tangles
and more energy left at the end of the day to drink beer.
Conversation: Research tells us that women are communicators,
men grunters. By the age of seven, girls on average use three times the amount
of words to express themselves than boys of the same age. This carries on
into adulthood – notice how many words a woman uses making up her mind
what to order at a restaurant for example. On the river, however, this added
communication is a godsend. Guys are solitary creatures. For us, talking too
much, or giving out too much information about ourselves is taken as a sign
of weakness. For a guide, this usually means that by the time you are half
an hour into the trip, you’ve covered all the bases: football, steak
and beer. The rest of the day can be conducted using two or three different
grunts and a raised eyebrow or two. Not so with women. The conversation flows,
ranging far and wide. This challenges the man to move beyond his traditional
comfort zones and venture into the unfamiliar and daunting territories of
feeling, emotion and sensitivity.
Listening: Not only are women great communicators, they also
tend to be better listeners. Most guys seem to have ears that are merely painted
on, at least when it comes to accepting advice and pointers from their guide.
Women, on the other hand, tend to figure that if they are paying good money
to spend a day on the river with a professional, they maybe have some sage
advice and opinion to offer. One male client famously replied to me when I
suggested he try to mend his line in order to improve his strike rate: “If
I’m going to **** it up, I’ll **** it up my way.” Fortunately
there is seldom this kind of display of pig headed stupidity from womenfolk.
In fact, it is not uncommon to have a woman catch more fish than her fisherman
husband / significant other for this very reason.
Dry Spells: It’s OK to not catch something every now
and then. Maybe as cave dwellers, an unsuccessful hunt meant hunger, ridicule
and the danger of your harem leaving you for the warmth and security of another’s
cave. But surely we have moved on from those times. How many guys have I taken
down the river who start to get antsy, and then slip ever deeper into a morose
and morbid self analysis after twenty odd minutes without catching something?
Questions such as ‘ Am I doing it right?’, Why aren’t they
biting?’, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ come rushing to
the surface of their consciousness. Most women have moved beyond the body
count mentality and accept the odd dry spell as part and parcel of the experience.
They tend to also appreciate the other aspects of a day on the river, such
as scenery, observing the wildlife, or the fact that you are breathing fresh
air and not stuck on I-25 for hours at a time.
Cussing. There is absolutely nothing else on this earth that
warm the cockles of my heart more than painted nails, a waft of perfume, and
a string of angelic F bombs following a missed strike or a line tangle. What
is it about women and four letter words? [ One of my best guide colleagues
reckons ‘wife’ is a four letter word, but that’s another
story. ] Women are, for the most part, such inscrutable creatures to our cold,
hard, logical minds that I think the sound of a woman cussing over a missed
fish is subtly reassuring. It shows we have something in common after all.
Who knows, if we can reach agreement on this, then maybe there is hope that
women will eventually come to realize that the natural position for the toilet
seat is up, that sport really is a matter of life and death, and that the
attraction of a visit to Hooters really is the wing sauce.
So there you have it. A day on the river with a woman can lead to many things.
Improved casting, increased vocabulary and an expanded mind, appreciation
of the finer things in life, discovery of your inner being and hopefully more
energy at the end of the day to enjoy that cold brew.
Originally published July 20, 2009 on Fly Anglers Online by By Hayden Mellsop (flyfishsalida.com).