What is life if there is not laughter?
Welcome to the lighter side of flyfishing! We welcome your stories here!
May 30th, 2005
Rednecks Challenge Sent in by name withheld
I am sick and tired of hearing about how
dumb people are in the South. I challenge
any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:
-
Calculate the smallest limb diameter on
a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound
possum. -
Which of these cars will rust out the
quickest when placed on blocks in your
front yard? A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or (C)
'64 Pontiac GTO. -
If your uncle builds a still which operates
at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced
per hour, how many car radiators are required to
condense the product? -
A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates
at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in
the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The
plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree
diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be
drank before the trees are cut down? -
If every old refrigerator in the state
vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what
would be the percentage decrease in the ozone
layer? -
A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine
on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation.
The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet.
The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine.
When the porch collapses, how many dogs will
be killed? -
A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres
of land in a hollow with an average slope of
15%. The man has five children. Can each of
his grown children place a mobile home on
the man’s land and still have enough property
for their electric appliances to sit out front? -
A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding
900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary
road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average
traffic conditions on secondary roads, what
is the probability that it will strike a vehicle
with a muffler? -
A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division
2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners
per shift. A gas warning is issued at the
beginning of the 3rd shift. How many
cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked
during the shift? -
At a reduction in the gene pool
variability rate of 7.5% per generation,
how long will it take a town which has
been bypassed by the Interstate to breed
a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna
be an easy one, didn’t ya? It’s okay if’n ya
didn’t do all that well. Just goes to show
ya… There’s a whole heap of things that
big city book-learning don’t prepare ya
for in this life.
As an added bonus for taking the “Redneck Challence,”
here’s some southerly advice that may come in
handy down the road a piece…
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk
to the nearest pizza shop and place an order.
When they go to deliver it, catch a ride
home with them.
Originally published May 30th, 2005 on Fly Anglers Online.