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July 5th, 2004
How To Get Out of A Ticket
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration
papers please.
Older Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags
in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs
away to his car and calls for back up. Within
minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his
half-drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your
vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you
have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk
of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing
but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you
do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out
a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers
told me you didn’t have a license, that you
stole this car, and that you murdered and
hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Originally published July 5th, 2004 on Fly Anglers Online.