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Welcome to the lighter side of flyfishing! We welcome your stories here!
July 19th,2004
Buying Paint from An Airline
BUYING PAINT FROM A HARDWARE STORE
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon
and premium for $18. How many gallons would you like?
Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.
Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.
BUYING PAINT FROM AN AIRLINE
Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends.
Customer: Depends on what?
Clerk: Actually, a lot of things.
Customer: How about giving me an average price?
Clerk: Wow, that’s too hard a question. The lowest
price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different
prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What’s the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn’t any difference; it’s
all the same paint.
Customer: Well, then, I’d like some of that $9 paint.
Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few
questions. When do you intend to use it?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
Customer: What? When would I have to paint in
order to get the $9 version?
Clerk: That would be in three weeks, but you will
also have to agree to start painting before Friday
of that week and continue painting until at least
Sunday.
Customer: You’ve got to be kidding!
Clerk: Sir, we don’t kid around here. Of course,
I’ll have to check to see if we have any of that
paint available before I can sell it to you.
Customer: What do you mean check to see if you
can sell it to me? You have shelves full of that
stuff; I can see it right there.
Clerk: Just because you can see it doesn’t mean
that we have it. It may be the same paint, but
we sell only a certain number of gallons on any
given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price just
went to $12.
Customer: You mean the price went up while we
were talking!
Clerk: Yes, sir. You see, we change prices and
rules thousands of times a day, and since you
haven’t actually walked out of the store with
your paint yet, we just decided to change. Unless
you want the same thing to happen again, I would
suggest that you get on with your purchase. How
many gallons do you want?
Customer: I don’t know exactly. Maybe five gallons.
Maybe I should buy six gallons just to make sure
I have enough.
Clerk: Oh, no, sir, you can’t do that. If you buy
the paint and then don’t use it, you will be liable
for penalties and possible confiscation of the paint
you already have.
Customer: What?
Clerk: That’s right. We can sell you enough paint to
do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom,
but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom,
you will be in violation of our tariffs.
Customer: But what does it matter to you whether
I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!
Clerk: Sir, there’s no point in getting upset; that’s
just the way it is. We make plans based upon the idea
that you will use all the paint, and when you don’t,
it just causes us all sorts of problems.
Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something terrible
will happen if I don’t keep painting until after
Saturday night!
Clerk: Yes, sir, it will.
Customer: Well, that does it! I’m going somewhere else
to buy my paint.
Clerk: That won’t do you any good, sir. We all
have the same rules. Thanks for painting with
our airline.
Originally published July 19th,2004 on Fly Anglers Online.