A lawyer went fishing in rural Montana on a small mountain
stream flowing through a lovely valley. He hooked a huge
rainbow on a home-tied fly and it took him downstream several
yards and under a fence that crossed the stream, on which
hung a no trespassing sign. The fish then repeatedly jumped,
and eventually landed on the bank, as the lawyer tried
unsuccessfully to urge it back up to where he could retrieve it.
At that moment, up rides the landowner on his tractor and
finds the lawyer coming through the fence. He asks what is
going on and the lawyer says, "I hooked a huge fish and it
beached itself and I am just going to retrieve it."
The farmer replied, "This is my property and you are not
coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best lawyers in
the whole United States and if you don't let me get that fish,
I will sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently you don't know
how we settle disputes in the state of Montana."
"We settle small disagreements with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"
The lawyer asked, "What is the three kick rule?"
The farmer replied, "Well because the fish is on my property,
I get to go first and I get to kick you three times and then
you get to kick me three times and so on back and forth until
one of us gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and
decided he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to
abide by the local custom.
The old farmer got down off of his tractor and walked over to
the attorney. His first kick was planted squarely in the lawyers
groin and dropped the lawyer to his knees.
His second kick to the lawyer's midriff sent the lawyer's breakfast
gushing to the ground.
The lawyer was on all fours on the ground and the farmer's third
kick knocked the lawyer face first into a large fresh cow pie.
Summoning every last bit of willpower, the lawyer got to his feet
and wiping his face with his sleeve said, "OK you old fart. Now
its my turn!"
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the fish."
*****
Lighter Side Archive
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