Which do YOU worry about more, outlaws or in-laws?
Ed
Which do YOU worry about more, outlaws or in-laws?
Ed
Ed,
I have a saying. Pain is relative and most relatives are a pain.
Larry ---sagefisher---
He took her for granite, and turned her heart to stone.
Last edited by ELHead; 06-18-2015 at 10:53 PM. Reason: Omission
Do felt souls cause fuzzy logic?
(Sorry, it's a geek "joke".)
Ed
How do you feel a soul?Originally Posted by Ed_D
Want to hear God laugh? Tell him Your plans!!!
Her Heartwood Pine. She tried to Spruce herself up to go to the Beech, thinking that Maple her spirits up.
"Willow spirits Plum the lowly Ashes of my life", she thought.
Sloe progress might make her Poplar again, but her Dogwood Bark with its Fir raised, which always scared off her Dates. Sometimes it would Bay. She wished she could Palm it off on somebody.
"The Coppice warning me Alder time", she confided to her friend, Holly.
"I thought life would be Peachy, but it's the Pits. I just Drupe around, bumping my Gums to no avail."
Regards,
Ed
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old,
but they know they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married,
so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love
and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,
Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10..
Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it,
Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine
and we can both fit there nicely."
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live?
You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance,
Jenny makes five bucks a week
and I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month,
so that should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this.
"Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have
little children of your own?"
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far."
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little sh!t is adorable.
Med School Entrance Exam
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School
One of the questions asked us was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today. The rest of us are sending jokes via the internet.
Want to hear God laugh? Tell him Your plans!!!
When insults were insults:
This between GB Shaw and W Churchill:
George Bernard Shaw to
Winston Churchill .
"I am enclosing
two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have
one."
- Winston
Churchill, in response. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second
... if there is one."
The
Proper way to call someone a Bastard
A guy
was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second
golfer
approached and asked if he could join him.
The
first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the
twosome.
They
were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're
about
evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"
The
first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the
terms.
The
second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease. As they were
walking
off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his
$80.00.
He
confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick
on
suckers.
The
first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.
The
pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.
The
Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you.
You
keep your winnings."
The
pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation.
And, if you want to bring your Mother and Father along, I'll marry
them.
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