I have had to make that decision over the last few days and it troubles me that my mother will starve to death over the course of a week or less. That seems so inhumane. You have in effect made the choice of death by not inserting a feeding tube in the stomach, or continuing medication except for morphine and oxygen. So why not be allowed to have the choice of having her pass on in a peaceful way rather than wasting away slowly? I know if I had the option I would have chosen what is not allowed and would want the same for myself. So the choice is made to let her die. There is more agony and suffering in the waiting for the eventual end to come. I ask again why is it OK to do nothing and let her lay there for days vs. doing something to end her life peacefully?
While I will refrain from voicing my own moral/ethical views here, let me just say that I am sorry. You have my condolences. I can’t imagin what you, your family and your dear mother must be experiencing, but you do have my prayers.
Jerry,
I am very sorry for what is happening in your life. Your situation is in my future and it’s tough to think about.
I pray that you and your mother will have peace.
Doug
I will echo what others have said and will tell you that you and yor family are in my thoughts. I cannot imagine the pain you must be going through, but if I could offer you any strength, I would gladly do so.
Just after Christmas last year, my Mother decided (at age 90) that she’d had enough. She suffered from stroke induced dementia, and other infirmities of the aged. She decided. She refused to eat, she refused liquids. Her little system slowly shut down. The medical staff kept her comfortable. The expresion on her face let us know that she was at peace, and she slowly faded away. It took about eight days, but there was no pain, no anxiety. Just a peaceful calm on her face. She took her gentle, final breath on Jan 9th, and joined my Dad.
Love her, and let her go. In her time. My love and prayers are with you.
Betty
I have responded twice to your Post and they do not show up, so, I have sent you a PM and hope you get it. I KNOW what you are going through and your feelings. I went through this 1 1/2 years ago with my Dad and I hope my long PM will help in some way.
While my grandmather lay dieing in a morphine state, we all knew the end would be soon…but when. I leaned over and kissed my grandmother on the forehead, her eyes closed and her breathing ever so softly. As I pulled away from the gental kiss I said softly, let go grandma, you will be with Cecil soon…it was only seconds and she expired. I was the only one in the room that night…I swear I remember a tear falling from her eye as she passed. One still falls from mine as I fondly remember her as the vibrant woman she once was.
I was raised by my grandfather and grandmother. My dad was killed in Korea and my mom died young. Grandma passed away in 1992, she was 94.
Sorry to take some away from your post Dot Man, I just wanted you to know you are not alone in your greif and sorrow. I feel for you ever so much and you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Jonezee
Jerry - I’m so sorry you are facing this situation! Remember that you have friends that care, and would do anything to help you. You can call anytime - day or night if you want to talk. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Your friend ALWAYS…Ed
Hey Jerry,
The last time we talked was on the deck of the Wyandotte Inn overlooking the AuSable River. That was a happier time with a glass of “shine” to pass the evening. I’m sorry to hear of your Mom’s condition and of the necessity of your decision in dealing with it. You seem to have an insight as to how Mom would have handled it were she able . Go with it without any second thoughts or regrets. My prayers are with you and yours.
Death and dying is such an emotional and personal experience for those of us who must make difficult decisions for our loved ones. I have been in your shoes with my Father and my Mother-in-law, and have asked the same question that you pose. Unfortunately, people who are well-meaning (or at least they claim to be well-meaning) get laws passed that don’t allow any flexibility for individual situations, and the rest of us are at the mercy (?) of medical caregivers whose hands are tied to these laws. I have many opinions on this subject, but this is not the place to aire them.
My prayers are with you, your Mom and your family during this difficult time.
Jerry,
Our Prayers and Thoughts are there for You and Yours.
We both have been there in the past few years We know what you are going through.
Go with God My Friend.
Bill and Jean
Jerry,
My heart goes out to you. I know the pain you feel, having been through a similar situation. It hurts like no other hurt. It is beyond you to make it different. The choice is one that makes no sense, yet you must choose. Please take care. You are in my thoughts.
jed
Good luck mate, I understand your dilemma. I can only say that the “starvation” is more a legal terminology in that it sounds as if she will be quite comfortable with morphine which will also most likely induce respiratory depression and death. Sorry, but it is as close as the legal ethicists allow.
I am trying just to state practice facts and not an opinion.
Jerry,
You are all in our prayers as well. It sounds like your Mom is leaving us in the same way my Sister in Law did on June 3rd…just 2 weeks ago. If you need to talk or need anything, you know I’m just a call away.
God Bless,
Mike
Jerry,
I too can empathise. A close friend of the family/like a second mom to me had Parkinsons, the “family” choose to remove “the tube”. Although separated by nearly 2000 miles, I was there. I still mourn her loss. Hopefully you can find comfort in the support offered here. Wish I could do more. Live her life through yours.
Mike K.
Hi,
I’m sorry to hear of the difficult situation you and your family are having to go through. Take what comfort you can from knowing that you are doing what you believe to be the right thing. Nobody can ask anything more from another person. I wish you and your family all the comfort that you can find. Take care.
Jerry, very similar situian with my Dad in 1996, had to ask the Dr. what the humane thing was to do for my Dad. The Dr. could not legally tell us. A nurse told us to let him go, we did. My prayers are with you and your family.
Jerry, we have recently discontinued any but palliative treatments for my mother. In her more lucid moments she has (we think) confirmed the correctness of this decision. I know that dad would love to change his mind; keeping on like this is tearing him apart. Somehow in fifty-seven years of loving her he is finding the strength to carry on. He has said to me that he would lie down beside her and go with her if he could. As long as you are acting out of love you will do the right thing