All married men know the answer so it’s really not an accurate title. But here is the story problem:
A married man (me) wakes up at 5:00 AM and as he stumbles in the dark to get ready for the day, snags his toe on a #14 greenie fly snagged in the carpet.
Why is the married man elated that he snagged his toe on a fly with an unmashed barb at 5:00 AM?
Because if he’s up that early he’s sneaking out to go fishing.
If his wife had snagged her toe on the fly his pain would have been much greater.
You say, “MARRIED MAN”? Simple…HE found it,with a bare foot, his WIFE didn’t!
Your username is not jsmartt for nothing sir! You win as the first correct answer! Print out this page and take to Starbucks for a coffee, there will be a $2.00 service/handling charge on a grande drip…
Aha! almost got us on that one didn’t you. No married man would be allowed to go to Starbucks alone for a coffee free coupon or not. Free coupons must be run by the wife for her approval. This is for only one coffee not two. There would ensue a discusion over are we or are we not a couple and isn’t a couple by definition two people. Nope your coupon is a recipe for disaster.
Its slow but I’m learning all about this marriage stuff.
Hang in there, it’s well worthwhile
GnuBee;
Egads!! I’ve always figured you knew EVERYTHING about this married life stuff and here I CAUGHT SOMETHING of this whole deal, that would get any married man instantly killed and YOU missed it? Must be that “early morning” think, I guess.
However, what do you think is going to happen, when you not ONLY receive this “coupon for one”, of course, leading to the accusations and discussions you so well, pointed out, but ALSO what kind and how MUCH actual trouble will a guy find himself in, for…
“Entering this contest to begin with, without notifying your bride, THERE IS a contest to be entered in which she may also have won a prize”?
"In certain “circles of martial bliss”, this is NOT a “contest”, but rather looked upon as “GAMBLING” and no matter how much, you explain, you’re going to be accused of “gambling away the children’s college funds, because you’re a low life, good for nothing, slovenly MALE”.
(For a true, expert’s opinion on “low life, slovenly males”, please refer to Joe V.'s excellent advice, read on any of his marital posts).
"Even though, you perhaps “Won at this gambling game”, you STILL COULD HAVE LOST the children’s entire college fund. You’re status as a “male”, remains the same.
"VERY FEW, if any, (excluding perhaps-those of my fellow “Sacred Clergy Of The Confused”), men are going to jab a barbed hook fly into the flesh of his foot, at 5:00AM, in the dark and not “come forth with a loud and continuous barrage of epitaphs that would turn a Marine Corps D.I. face red with embarrassment” thus waking the rest of the entire household, (bride, included), and bring upon himself a MINIMUM of an hour and half lecture on the subject of “Being a slovenly, low life, foul speaking MALE, that has just ruined the purity of his children, as well as, set their young, tender, psyches back at least 5 years?”
Be careful, VERY careful, of these things you answer so innocently at times!?!
Gnu Bee Flyer,
Quote;Its slow but I’m learning all about this marriage stuff." End Quote.
SLOW? Like Molasses? Repeat after me, “YES Dear!” That’s all you need to know.
Doug
You boys are pretty sad. Here’s how it would really go down…
(B) “Whatcha got there Sweetie?”
(C) “Oh…just a little hook”
(B) “Thanks for picking it up Love Bunny!”
(C) “Oh sure … glad I could do it” “You got the number for the Emergency room?” “Not to worry … you go right back to sleep” “When I get back from the ER, and you’re all well rested, we’ll go to Starbucks for a tall latte”
(B) “Thank you Baby cakes! That’d be lovely”
Or something similar …:rolleyes:
At last count, I noticed I was missing a few of my more powerful narcotics. Couldn’t figure WHERE they’d gotten off to?! But, reading “Baby Cakes” and “Love Bunny”, and poor HRH Betty even THINKING a matrimonial discussion at 5Am, after waking up the bride, would REMOTELY sound like she’s described… answers the “missing drugs” question?!
Or something similar …:rolleyes: It’s all in the translation. aka: the ear of the beholder.
It was your favorite fly that you only had one of and couldn’t find it. Oh, yea, all the other stuff about your wife finding it etc., etc.
Doug,
On the “Yes, Dear” response you forgot to add that the head must be hung low and the feet shuffled slowly from side to side while uttering the phrase.
I’m always careful to get it right. VEE owns a large cast iron skillet.
REE
Well I had to read thru all this and I feel that after 60 years of a great married life that I will give advise to anyone that needs to keep the little women happy. Just think I buy the fishing equip I want and she buys------- Just PM me with your problem----BILL
REE; and all this time, I’d have SWORN that was a tattoo on your forehead, that read “Pure Cast Iron/Made In USA”!?! I THOUGHT it was kinda “an odd tattoo”, but didn’t want to make fun of it in case it meant something to you. Now, I know!?!
Doug, you forgot THE REST of the “chant”, that comes right after “Yes, Dear!”… “Right AWAY, Dear!”
This reminds me of the story of the old fisherman (don’t know if I heard it on FAOL).
He was so afraid of dying, his main worries were that his wife would sell his fishing gear for the price he had told her he paid for it.
After 32 years of “Obeying”, it took me almost 3 years to become de-sensitized to the “Honey Do List” and the constant “YES Dears”
I’m emancipated & FREEEEEE!!! Yippeeee!!!
Doug
OK, so now I want to hear the rest of the story. Were you attached to the carpet by means of a barbed hook? Did you rip it out with no regard for pain, suffering, and disfigurement? Was the howl that was emitted from your throat sufficient to bring the “alleged” spouse fully awake, and combative? Did said combative “alleged” spouse supply you with the impetus to romove the hook from your appendage? We need ANSWERS man. Don’t leave us to our own imaginings. Fess up!
yeah, Betty, something pretty close to that, except you forgot the painful scream thoughtfully muffled by a pillow so as not to wake the sleeping love of your life