Well Joe, THANKFULLY, a very nice nurse, (and MUCH better looking than either you or Doug, mind you), where I lay here in Emergency on life support, loaned me her laptop so I could AGAIN, write to you and thank you for the culinary “delights”.
I cannot BEGIN to believe my luck, because she also speaks fluent Spanish! Imagine! And, because of my continuing good luck, the paramedics, brought along the packages, albeit empty by the time they reached me, so the doctors could tell what had not only poisoned me, but also why it caused me to be found by a neighbor… naked on my roof and howling at the moon.
Considering it was still daylight, when I was found and the moon was not yet out, only further puzzled the attending physician, I can assure you.
However, I digress.
John, you’ve always been kind to me, so please don’t take this as an “insult to your Spanish”, but BOTH the “supposed chicken dishes”, (once my nurse translated the package labels), seem to state that “BOTH are used in landscaping to sterilize soil” and the one with the red chemical added, actually can also be used to dissolve pesky stones and boulders that are otherwise hard for a landscaper to remove by himself.
True, at one time, these articles WERE actually used for human consumption as well but once discovered as to their true potential, in the field of landscaping, (and rock dissolving), the company of manufacture converted their assets and talents to that field.
As you pointed out, Joe, "I do not speak and/or, read Spanish. However, now that I’ve been here for several hours, listening to my Spanish speaking nurse as well as another Spanish speaking doctor on duty, I’ve managed to pick up ENOUGH of the lingo to decipher such words and phrases as “He ate WHAT?” “The man was dumb enough believe WHO?”, "What or WHO, is an “OHIO”? Is this, “OHIO” some sort of “Culinary hit man?”. I’ve been too weak, to intervene and straighten them out.
I’m also sure, that the rumor I heard from the orderly on duty, about “Bringing SPAM single slices, into a public health care facility is a Federal Offense”, as well as his comment about “Homeland Security being notified”, is just that… a rumor. But, who knows?? I’ve never before seen, so many doctors in an emergency room come to think of it that wear black suits and dark glasses, just to treat patients. This latest “medical team”, showed up about an hour ago.
The “Fish Steaks”, although printed in our language, were also mislabeled. Or, more rightfully, “misspelled”. It should be spelled “Stakes”, not “Steaks”, because you would not have to drive one thru the heart of a vampire to kill one with this stuff. Merely opening the can and allowing the “fumes” to reach him/her would surely suffice. Speaking of which, I need to know where to send the bill for the new wallpaper in 3 rooms of our home, that now needs replacing.
“The potted meat”, at LEAST was aptly and correctly labeled! Obviously, if one smoked enough of one kind, then they’d be able perhaps, to ingest Armor’s attempt at whatever they’d try to come up with in that little can.
Anyway, I hope at least SOME of this, make a little sense. It’s hard to type with the IV tubes still in and having to use this little tan bucket still, every few seconds.
At least the doctor’s tell me that I’ll be fine, in a year or three. They also told me to “pick and choose my friends a little more cautiously from now on, too.”
I don’t know, WHAT, they meant by saying that!?
