A husband and wife go to a marriage counselor after 15 yrs of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife begins listing every problem they ever had in the 15 yrs they’ve been married. Finally, the counselor gets up, walks around the desk, embraces the wife and kisses her passionately. Then he turns to the husband and says, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”
The husband thinks for a moment and replies, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays I FISH.” 
Okay you started this?
Reasons Why Fishing Is Better Than Sex…
? You don’t have to hide your Fishing magazines.
? It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while
? The Ten Commandments don’t say anything about Fishing.
? If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing, you don’t have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.
? Your Fishing partner doesn’t get upset about people you fished with long ago.
? It’s perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.
? When you see a really good Fisherperson, you don’t have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.
? If your regular Fishing partner isn’t available, he/she won’t object if you Fish with someone else.
? Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.
? When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.
? You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for harassment.
? There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.
? If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don’t have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.
? Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.
? Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it. Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Fished last week! Is Fishing all you ever think about?
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
An abridged version.
Dear Abby, For some time I have been wondering about somthing very serious.
My wife has been acting very strange. She used to be very moody, kinda grumpy an not to concerned about her appearance. Well she seems to have changed a lot. She’s happy all the time ,cheerful and taking an interest in her hair and clothes. Also she goes out on “girls night” a lot. Several times a week actually. Well the other night she went out on a "girls night " and I thought that Id just wait up and see whats what. Well I hid in the garage about when I figured she’d be home.(I hid beside my work bench) The door was up so I could see what was going on . Well as fate would have it I saw a strange car pull up and there was this guy and my wife in the car . She gets out , he gets out, they have a big ,wet , grinding good night kiss and he leaves and she heads inside.
The problem is while I was hunkered down I noticed that my new bamboo rod had fallen over and the tip was broken off. Do you think I should fix it myself or take it to a professional? :?
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
You asked for it Dougie…
The old fly fisherman - as re-written from an old fable by Jonezee
An old fly fisherman had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From
morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining
about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out on the banks of his pond with his bamboo rod casting for bluegill.
One day, when he was by the pond, his wife brought him lunch . He lay down his rod, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him
again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, an alligator that the farmer had put in his pond years ago and now was a 9 foot monster lurched forward and dragged his nagging wife into the pond. She must have been pretty bitter because the ole alligator spit her up on to the bank a few hours later deader than a door nail.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something
rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old fly fisherman, he
would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a
man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake
his head in disagreement.
This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old fly fisherman
about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old fly fisherman,
and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but
always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old fly fisherman said: “Well, the women would come up and say something
about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I’d nod
my head in agreement.” “And what about the men?” the minister asked.
“They all wanted to know if the alligator was for sale”.
GO! Gators! (U of Florida)
Here’s one of my favorites (that won’t get me kicked off!)
One evening an old farmer decided to go down to his pond and look it over, as he had not been down to the pond in awhile. He grabbed his 5 gallon bucket to bring back some apples from his apple tree. As he neared his pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing. When he got closer he saw it was a bunch of young beautiful women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”
The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked”
Holding his bucket up, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator”
Moral: Some old men can still think fast!!!
:lol: :lol: :lol: THAT WAS A GOOD ONE
Alligators have all the fun…here an alligator, there and alligator…why is it, it’s always and old man and an alligator?