I blew it

FAOL Community Sound Off
1

OK ? I understand confession is good for something, but in my state of pis**ness, I don’t quite remember what. This is already two days old, and I just can’t put it behind me. Yes, I realize I was wrong. So was the other guy. And yes, I know two wrongs don’t make it right. So I’m confessing my error, and even asking for forgiveness, as I have forgiven him, even though he won’t see this, unless my error was committed against one of my own FAOL family members, which makes it even more heinous.

I lost my cool with someone. My usual gracious, patient, kind self got blown clean outa the water! A semi-youngish (40’s?) fellow with a little girl in tow started fishing the stream where Cary and I were fishing. The section we were in was about 200 yards long, with great riffles, and a few super pools. Trout are abundant along its entire length; they’re wary and know all the flies one could ever throw at them, but they’re there. This guy started at the end nearest Cary, cut him a wide berth, and continued up stream, hawking his fly with the bobber as he went. When he reached the place I’d been fishing, he continued to lob his fly right in front of me, and let it drift down ? repeatedly. Then, he went over the spillway, to the opposite banks ? all of 3 feet away from me, and continued to flop the fly next to, and in front of me. I’d already given him ?the look? a half a dozen times; the little girl got it, but he didn’t. And that’s when I lost it.

?Am I invisible to you?!?? He says, ?I’m not doing anything wrong.? I said, ?You’re casting right in front of me! Why are you doing that when there’s plenty of open water here (sweeping my arm down stream to emphasize the openness)?!?? Him, ?Hey, I’m just trying to catch a fish so she can reel it in!? Me, ?Fine, just do it somewhere else.? Then I said, ? ?I was here first.? Him, ?I’m leaving!? (Angrily) Me, ?Thank you!? (Sarcastically) Repeat, ?I’m leaving!!? Repeat, ?Thank you!! (Through clenched teeth)

What a great example I was to fly-fishing. Couldn’t he have said, ?Mind if I fish through??, or, ?I’m trying to catch a fish for my daughter, got any tips??. He**, I’d have given him any hook I had in my boxes! Couldn’t I have just walked away? He didn’t crowd out Cary, why did he think he could me? Why did he feel he could set an example like that to his daughter? Why did I have to set such an example to his daughter?

The whole thing just makes me sick. I’ve never done anything like that before, and I hope this weighs my conscience enough that I will never do that again, as long as I live. My fishing manners were lacking, and even though his were atrocious, I’m supposed to be a bigger person than that. I know better.

I’m sorry.

Trouts don’t live in ugly places

2

Betty,

I’ve been there and done that. Don’t know if I was right or wrong but still felt bad about it.

What a wonderful lady to care so much.

Steve (Rookie)

3

Hi Betty,

I strongly suspect that you had already
exhibited much more patience than God gave
most of us before you lost your cool. I
would have to say that on a scale of 1 to
10, you probably scored at least a 9+. It
never ceases to amaze me just how dense
some folks can be. Don’t beat yourself up
over this one. There were only two options
as I see it. You could either correct the
interloper or you could have deserted the
waters you were fishing to avoid a
confrontation. Neither solution would have
been particularly appealing but the situation was not of your making. Perhaps
the gentleman (sic) learned something from
the interaction.G Warm regards, Jim

4

Betty,

Please Don’t be so hard on yourself, at least one positive came out of your experience that day, and I will share my perception (right or wrong) on this in a moment!

You gave this person more than ample warning, he did not heed it. Was it ignorance on his part, or just sheer lack of respect? At what point is it ok to express your disappointment in others actions, especially when they so rudely impose upon you?

This rude individual was a “Trespasser”! He had no intention of showing you any respect, and actually invited your assistance of enlightenment, under the watchful eyes and ears of his daughter!

I understand your inner struggle with what you percieve as a completely wrong approach to this whole senario, but I also wish to express to you that life lessons always come with a price tag. Some extremely more costly than others, and they are often very hard learned, and very hard taught!

The father in this case, may actually be an idiot, and may garner nothing more from your encounter than a reason to blame the bad day of fishing on you. Shame on him!

Here is that positive I mentioned above. This whole senario may have been a well orchastrated life lesson for a future fisherwoman!

This young girl already appears to be a very perceptive young lady, and was fully aware of the wrong doings that were unfolding right in front of her. Respect and wisdom often come through a series of hard learned lessons that usually leave us bloodied and tattered.

She will never forget what she learned that day, and hopefully will apply this knowledge on future fishing trips.

You may even have the fortune of running into her one day on the river, and may she thank you for sharing with her a lesson in proper river etiquette, respect, and the willingness to speak up and right a wrong.

I respect the fact you did not tuck your tail between your legs and concede in the face of this trespasser. You may be bloodied and tattered from this chance encounter, but the lessons taught and learned will long be remembered; and hopefully passed on to whomever this little fisherwoman shares a river with in the future!

Betty, anyone who knows you, also knows what a sweet and caring person you are.

I’ll admit I’ve been guilty of quick reactions and also doing things on the spur of the moment without thinking and then later regretting them, who hasn’t?

I shant be the first one to throw any rocks into glass houses!

Just my .02’s worth, for what it’s worth.

Your friend,

Terry

5

Betty,

Far be it from me to spread words of wisdom about controlling ones temper. Never have been very good at that myself.

I’m with Terry on this one. Could be that the little girl’s Dad was just a boor, thinking he could push a woman off the river. (He did give Cary a wide berth.)

Perhaps litt Jane Doe got a couple lessons that day. 1. Her Dad is an impolite fool. 2. River ettiquet is really pretty simple. And last but not least 3. She has as much right to be on the river as any macho man

6

Betty,
Forget that guy! He’s a JERK! WE (FAOLers) are the only ones whose opinions matter!
Seriously, the FIRST thing I picked up on (as did REE) was that the guy gave Cary (male) a wide berth, but encroached upon your space, apparently without a second thought, IMO because you are ONLY a woman. His behavior toward you was disrespectful at the very least. Personally, I admire your restraint, as that guy needed to be ground into mulch!
Mike

You can call me Mike & you can call me Mikey…Just remember that this site’s about sharing!

7

Betty,
The fact that it bothers you that you lost your temper speaks volumes about the great person you are. Now stop beating yourself up. Appears to me also that this jerk has something against women. You did the right thing and I am proud of you. You stood up to a chauvinist and showed that young lady she doesn’t have to take some guys crap.

Eric “nighthawk”

American veteran and proud of it!

8

I think maybe the guy just used the little girl as an excuse. He is a boor and his behavior was inexcusable. If more people would speak out as you finally did perhaps just a few of them would get the message. You have done absolutely nothing to have regrets about… Next time wade to shore and let the air out of his tires.

9

Notice that Mantis said tires not tire. I vote for all four.

10

…& use an ice pick!

11

I hate when I lose my temper. I know how you must have felt. The spot on the stream was ruined by him, and the whole day, and probably evening was ruined by your reaction. I am slowly learning the consequences for losing it, and I really feel great when I have those small victories when I can show restraint.

He died for me, so I could live for Him.
He gave His life for me, so I could give mine to Him.
He became like me, so I could become like Him.

12

Betty I don’t think you blew it at all.
No apology necessary. Maybe if more of us ‘spoke up’ instead of being so ‘understanding’ this kind of behavior would stop.

Inconsiderate slobs don’t deserve any rights or consideration.

LadyFisher, Publisher of
FAOL

13

Betty, You did fine. Some jerks you can’t give too much slack to because if you give an inch, they take a mile… It’s too bad that these stressful things have to happen while we are out to relax. It’s doubly hard when they have a kid with them. I had the misfortune (a couple of times) of fishing near guys absolutely screaming at their kids like lunatics for hardly anything at all… I mean like the kid asking to change lures while “Dad” was wading a few feet from shore. I wanted to crawl under a log I was so embarrassed to even be there; meanwhile the BP was climbing and thudding in my ears. I figured any lecture I’d give such a moron would probably result in the kid getting a beating later… I’m sorry it ruined your day, and obviously even more…

14

Betty

I waited a day to respond to this because I was ticked by the way you were treated.

My mom would have done a whole lot more than scold the being in question (he does not deserve to be called a man) I can see my father having to stop fishing to go buy mom another rod after she wore that fellows britches thin. Mom was a little gal, but when it came to right and wrong she was tall as a mountain.

YOU did alright for yourself, and yes I would feel sad the next week or so also. Not for the man but for the little girl. I sure hope this person learned from you a little respect.

Go fishing you did nothing but stand your ground. I for one am proud of you!

Harold

15

Thank you , All, for your support. I thought I’d failed miserably. I will endevor to be a better steward of Fly-fishing in the future … and maybe carry an ice pick with me!

Trouts don’t live in ugly places

16

(waving my 9 wt all around as I speak)
“We, the local Pirate Nation, do hereby grant Betty official pirate status!”
Here’s a suggestion, Betty. Next time, wave the flyrod around, letting line out and make it go everywhere all the while screaming, “How do I stop those voices in my head!!!” Then lurch down and look at the guy and growl, wiping slobber from you lips, and growl some more. Then say, “How much for the little girl?”
Yep, that’ll do it!

I was old one day last week, and didn’t like it, but I’m better now…
(Betty’s friend)

17

Oh yeah, warn Cary about this or he may run into the woods never to be seen again. Or not! You may want to save it to use on him if he ticks you off.

I was old one day last week, and didn’t like it, but I’m better now…
(Betty’s friend)

18

Betty,
You did blow it. I agree. Not without provocation, and not so bad as the dad, but we don’t really care about the dad today do we.

You blew it because you yelled at him which brought you down to his level and that made you feel bad. You don’t owe him an apology, rather you owe yourself the courtesy of acknowledging you are human and learning that you could have been equally effective while maintaining your integrity.

If I were in your shoes and able to have done what I would like, (rather than what my natural tendency is) I would have said something like you are invading the area that I was fishing in, ruining any chance I may have of catching a fish and setting a poor example for your child. Further your doing this adds nothing to your chances of catching a fish. If you feel you need to fish where I am the proper thing to do would be to ask, which you did not do.

I for one hate to put down a father in front of their child no matter how poorly they are acting. Bad enough they see their father acting the part of the fool, bringing it out in front of the child will only make the child feel worse.

If that doesn’t work, then try pciking up a big rock and… no, no never mind that.

So I agree you made a mistake. Now get over it, treat it as a learning experience and move on. It takes a good person to feel badly about a mistake. Most boors would not even think about it.

jed

19

Betty,
I usually try to maintain a calm demeanor as well but sometimes enough is enough. 2 weeks ago I was with my brother and my father on a popular river. We drove downstream after lunch to hit a different section. When we go out of the truck we heard whimpering. There were 2 full grown huskies in locked tiny crate in the back of this guy’s truck. No water in sight. They could not move because there was no room. It was 98 degrees out. I lost it. I was talking to my brother and dad about how sick it made me and sure enough there was someone in the truck we did not see. She came out screaming her head off about how she loves her dogs etc… She thought that we would feel bad for saying something but we did not. It got ugly and I thought my brother was going to lock her in the crate. Kinda wish he had. Sometimes people just need to know when they are wrong.

<*(((((><
Jim in CO

[This message has been edited by Bostonangler (edited 20 June 2006).]

20

Betty

Bet he doesn’t realize how lucky he was that he had his little girl along. I can see you kicking his a*& up and down that stream. Of course I suspect you would have done it in a warm and gracious way. G