I don’t think this is really appropriate for this board, but I don’t really have anywhere else to turn to for advise. I don’t know what to do and I’m kinda fallin apart.
Awhile back, my girlfriend cheated on me. Eventually, she dumped me for some punk. After going out with him for a week, she(Jen) came runnin back to me. I said yes.
I’m worried I shouldn’t said yes. I love her, I’ve never wanted to be with anyone this bad before, but I’m worried I’m going to wound up hurt again.
I don’t want any sympathy or anything, and I feel bad for posting this, but I have no where else to get advise from.
Guys, if your in my position, what would you have done? Would you have taken her back?
Thanks-Joe
Joe,
Would you mind telling us how old you and girlfriend are?
I’m 19 and Jen’s 18. I know, way too young to be getting worried like this, but I can’t help it
I have been from Newark NY, to Mobile Al, to Saudi Arabia and on to Germany. Well I met some ladies along the way. I’m now 33. I’ve been married for 13 years and happy. When I was 18 I had a heart break I spent the next couple of years making others pay for. Then I met my wife. I can remember what’s her name, but little else.
When you meet the right person you’ll know. There will be no question about faithfullness. I couldn’t imagine it.
My dad on the other hand…well, like he says, third times a charm.
But, it’s a sticky situation. Only you can make that choice. And sadly it’s something we all must go thru to learn for ourselves.
They come they go. Sometimes it’s easy, more often it’s hard.
Most of all, life is short, so go on and live it.
Joe,
When I, and I’m willing to bet most others too, was your age we didn’t take anyone’s advice. Chances are we thought with an organ other than our brain. So I’ll simply suggest that you are a young man with a lifetime of great, and some not-so-great experiences, in front of you. Make the most of the former and best of the latter.
Not exactly what you asked for.
Good luck.
Allan
Thank you for your replies. Your right, life goes on. I’m still not to clear on what I’ll do, but in the end, I’m sure I’ll make the right decision. I’m probably over-reacting, but its hard not to feel this way. Again, I’m sorry for posting this on the board, I don’t want to dump my little problems on others.
Thanks-Joe
Joe, things will never be the same once there’s that distrust. Take heart in the fact that as life goes on you’ll meet the right person and you won’t even recall this one’s phone number.
Joe, no apologies necessary. It’s a gutsy move to ask for help and opinions. What do you want from Jen? Do you trust her or are you allowing your desire to overpower distrust? Love pain is difficult stuff and it seems that it will never end, but it does. Be good to yourself and be respectful to Jen. Be honest to yourself and just as honest to her. If you will do this then it will become clear what your decision will be. Hanging on to a relationship out of desperation, even if there is still some love there, is a diservice to both persons. Best wishes for a lifetime of happiness to you, Joe.
Shared joy is increased, shared pain is lessened. No worries about posting here.
Unfortunately, I am the WRONG person to be giving you advice about relationships. So take anything I say at your own peril. But if I was your age, I would seriously consider moving on. Lots of fish in the rivers, and if they are going to stray once, they may just stray again.
I have another thought, or it just might be advise. Who you are has to be enough for your gal. Who she is must be enough for you. If either person expects the other to change then strife is on the way. Again, best wishes to you Joe.
WHen I think I know something well, it is soon apparent that I have lots to learn
As JC would say. Don’t let the door hit ya on the way out.
Reread gardenfish a couple times…good stuff there.
Steer your own course but don?t burn bridges at your age. Everyone makes mistakes and wrong choices, watch to see if this is an isolated case or a character flaw.
My only steadfast relationship advice is to never look for someone who is just like you, look for someone who is significantly different. Try to find someone whose strengths are your weaknesses and whose weaknesses are your strengths. IMHO that?s a good recipe for long-term relationships. Don?t buy into that “finish each other?s sentences”, “sleepless in seattle crapola.”
Sorry but your nineteen and she’s 18. You both have not experienced life at all. Ask yourself these questions, How much of this great country have I seen. Where am I going in my life and what do I want to be. If you meet a girl along the way that’s great. If you cheat on her or she cheats on you, it’s time to move on before you really hate each other. Your very young to think about relationships until you get your life underway. The thing that young people forget that there are a ton of fish in the sea to be caught and looked at. When I was your age I already seen 40 states, Rodeo’d and had or met girls in every town, city and state. I then started at 19 to get my act together and think college or some other sort of education like a trade school. I found the right girl. You will know when you meet her. Maybe next week or next year or 5 years from now. Don’t sweat it and enjoy all that life has to offer. If you do not do this, then you will regret the one you are with and sour your relatioship. Just some food for thought.
Andy B
P.S. any one cheats on me would be told asta Lavista Baby.
As of right now, I’m single. But if I had a girlfriend and she cheated on me, left me for some punk, then came crawling back…I wouldn’t be able to trust her enough to take her back. I would drop her like a sack of bricks (not physically, but mentally).
Just remember, life goes on. Some choices we make are good, others are less good. That’s just life.
“If firearms cause crimes and kill people, all of the ones I have must be defective.”
Joe,
I’m 58, will be married to my Colleen for 35 yrs on 7/18/05…we have different interests, I know we both dated folks who may have been better looking, we don’t fish together, but we TOTALLY trust one another & respect the other’s interests & hobbies. Dave Micus addressed the trust/mistrust issue accurately, in my opinion. When the right one comes along, there will be NO doubt, & NO reason to seek a “second opinion”. You’ll know it!
Take care buddy,
Mike
[This message has been edited by ohiotuber (edited 06 February 2005).]
I give the same advice to all young people. Don’t know you and don’t know if this is good advice or not but here goes. Live by yourself for at least one year. No live in girl/boy friends. No roommates. No one. Live by yourself. Pay all of your own bills. Do your own laundry. Do your own cooking. Do your own cleaning. In other words learn how to take care of yourself for at least a year. Then, well, then you should be able to take care of a relationship also.
No women responses? Well, here ya go! If my son would have come to me and asked what to do, in this same situation, I’d have told him to leave her behind in the dust. You deserve better than that. Everyone makes mistakes, but, if she would do it once, she’d do it again. Use your heart, but use your brain too. Again, don’t sell yourself short. You deserve better.
Trouts don’t live in ugly places
I think Kerry’s advise is good advise. I did just that and learned alot about myself and my real desires.
As for your girlfriend, only you can decide whaqt course of action to take. People make mistakes (as she did) and I cannot judge her sincerity or honesty, but if it happens again then there should be no coming back.
First time, shame on her, second time shame on you. Good luck.
jed
So Joe, I’m sort of tempted to agree with Betty but I have something else to say, too.
If you truly truly truly forgive Jen and are really open-hearted about that, then, if you can trust her and love her, enjoy her. But if you can’t trust her, then walk away. And, when you walk away, do it with as much kindness and integrity as you can. Only you know what’s in your heart about Jen. Don’t feel bad about posting. We love this kind of stuff.
Diane
Been married almost 43 years. A great wife made it possible. Gardenfish’s second post and all the posts about trust are right on. Only you can decide if those can be met in this situation.