What is life if there is not laughter?
Welcome to the lighter side of flyfishing! We welcome your stories here!
October 27th, 2003
Fly Rod “Expertise” by the Numbers By “Dr. Bill” Hanneman
A fly rod is considered a work of art by its
maker, and a critical review of that work can
only be made by an “expert.” However, he must
use words to express his ideas.
Fortunately, the many polysyllabic words invariably
chosen to convey his subjective ideas have entirely
different connotations to each listener. Because of
this simple fact, even you can become an “expert.”
The following simple device can create for you an
entirely new image and might raise you from total
obscurity to a position of prominence. It is
called the Systematic Buzz Phrase Projector.
Here is the first scientific approach to the language
of the fly rod “expert.”
Simplicity in itself, the system is composed of only
30 words arranged in three columns and numbered from
0 to 9, as shown in table below. To use, simply conjure
up any 3-digit number between 000 and 999 and find
the corresponding buzzword from each column. For
example, 673 produces “unmatched versatile action.”
If you were to casually mention a phrase such as this
as your appraisal of a new fly rod, it would be sure
to mark you as an astute observer and gain for
you instant respect from your listeners. No one will
have the slightest idea what you are talking about,
but the important thing is that they’re not going to
admit it.
On some rare occasion after you have dropped a 946
(fluid multi-modulus characteristics) on the group,
some “wise guy” may quip, “What the hell does
THAT mean?” However, unless he is the foremost fly
rod expert in the nation, you’ll have nothing to worry
about. He will be immediately characterized by all
present as either a dolt or an honest man who are, of
course, intolerable at such a gathering.
What is far more likely, however, is that your mastery
and judicious use of the Systematic Buzz Phrase Projector
will indeed catapult you into the status of One To Be
Reckoned With at any gathering of fly anglers. You
might even be asked by a national magazine to give your
critical review of the new Z Series of rods being introduced
by the ABC Rod Manufacturing Corp.
Should that be the case, the following three steps can
guide you.
-
Choose 4 sets of 3-digit numbers.
-
Determine the Corresponding Buzz Phrases.
-
Write the review.
Example: New Z Series introduced by ABC
238 superb unprecedented response
417 robust precision-engineered authority
769 proprietary formulated presentation
584 stylish delicate sensitivity
Finished Review:
New Z Series introduced by ABC
In a superb unprecedented response to the exacting demands of the most
sophisticated of the fly fishing fraternity, ABC has introduced a new Z
series of rods reflecting a robust precision-engineered authority for both
long and short distance casting. This new series, while still exhibiting
ABC’s famous proprietary formulated presentation, introduces a stylish
delicate sensitivity never before thought possible in fly rods of this price
range ($900-1050). Buy one today.
Epilogue
While the preceding concept was originally developed
some years ago, it is now apparent this technique has
been fully embraced and further honed by a new generation
of copy writers. Perusal of the 2001 brochure of one of
this nation’s foremost rod builders revealed the following
Buzz Phrases:
unique integrated system
ground-breaking design technology
legendary “Trade Marked” action proprietary taper design
balanced loading system
Previously, I wrote that if you used phrases like
this, you would have nothing to worry about unless
he foremost fly rod expert in the nation
asks, “What the hell does THAT mean?”
However, time changes things. Today, we find one of the foremost fly rod
manufacturers in the nation touting similar phrases. Now, it is our turn to
ask, “What the hell do those phrases mean?” ~ Dr. Bill
Originally published November 30, 1997 on Fly Anglers Online by Dr. Bill.