Deanna Birkholm

This was a terrible week. JC fell and broke a couple of ribs,
so all the ‘normal’ things I do were shoved down the list while I played nurse.
Unfortunately it wasn’t fun and games in a foxy little short-shirted nurse outfit and
a cute hat. It was take care of a guy very much in pain.

Over the years we came to an agreement, we could not each be sick at the same
time. Amazingly it has really worked. Maybe it is all mental anyway.

So as I was struggling through trying to take care of JC and get everything in order
to produce this week’s issue, I received an email from an outdoor writer friend in
Florida. It not only saved the day, but got me back to reality. I share it with you here.

Next time you think you’re having a bad day,
here’s hoping your day is better than any of these:

  1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon
    Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony,
    two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into
    the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later
    they were both eaten by a killer whale.

  2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to
    a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his
    reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her
    repeatedly with an ax leaving her mentally retarded.

  3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the
    world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came
    down eight hours short of the 400 day record, his sponsor had
    gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and
    electricity had been cut off.

  4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking
    frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist
    towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the
    deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the
    back door, breaking his arm in two places. Till that moment he
    had been happily listening to his Walkman.

  5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of
    sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all
    two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and
    stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And the capper . . .

  1. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn’t pay enough postage on a
    letter bomb. It came back with “return to sender” stamped on
    it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to
    bits.

Thanks Walt - I needed that! ~ LadyFisher

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Originally published November 22nd, 1999 on Fly Anglers Online by Deanna Lee Birkholm.