Vested Interests
by Jack Ohman
From: Fear of Fly Fishing
Vests should be mobile versions of your car glove compartment
- jammed to the seams with useless trash that may come in handy
in an emergency, like the AAA Guide to Iowa Theme Parks.
A short vest has a tendency to make you feel like you're wearing
a bra stuffed with newspapers if you've packed it improperly.
Most pockets on a short vest can only accommodate a first-class
stamp-sized box with a couple of size 20 cream midges. The two
front pockets should be big enough to accommodate two ice
chests, with enough room left over to park a '66 Dodge Dart.
On the exterior of the vest should be a pair of nail nippers
capable of cutting your index finger off the the first knuckle.
Don't try this at home. You will also note a piece of shearling
sheepskin or two on the outside of the vest, which is a kind of
scrapyard for junked flies - the broken barb, the loose tinsel, the
missing wing, the unraveled head that you're really doing to get
around to fixing someday - that have sentimental value. In the
summer, you will learn the painful truth about owning the
dark green-colored vest: it's like wearing a solar panel.
Inflatable vests are a good idea if you're fishing in the Ganges,
but they sometimes have a disconcerting tendency to go off at
inopportune moments. Avoid surprise embraces. ~ Jack Ohman
If you like Jack's fly fishing humor, be sure to look for his new book,
GET THE NET! published by Willow Creek.
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