Tying One On
by Jack Ohman
Put your hook in the vise. If it's smaller than a size 12, consult
your ophthalmologist beforehand. Now wind on the incredibly fine
thread all up and down the shank of the hook. After you've
accidentally broken the incredibly fine thread, start over.
You are now ready to tie on the tail. Take a hackle feather, tear off
about 15 hackle points, and tie them on. Make sure the tail is
sticking straight out. Having performed this procedure, get out some
dubbing wax and rub a little gob of it between your thumb and forefinger.
Warning: It's pretty gross. Now get some rabbit fur or some of that
synthetic stuff gleaned from carpet remnants and kind of wrap it
around the thread that should be hanging down. It isn't? Hmm.
Anyway, you are now ready to tie on the wings. This is a real pain,
particularly if you're trying to tie on duck feathers. You have to make
them stand up just so, and one always seems to wind up on the bottom
of the hook. Keep the glue off it. Oops. Nice move.
Now that you've welded the wings together, it's time to tie on the hackle.
Tie the hackle feather just ahead of the welded wings, and then wrap it
around the shank of the hook. Take the end of the feather and tie
it off. The artistic part comes into play here. Tie off the head. Put
a blob of black glue on it. Make sure you don't put it over the eyelet.
Whoopsie daisy. Too late. Now take the hook out of the vise. You'll
want to avoid breaking the barb off the hook. I said, you wanted to
avoid breaking the barb off the hook. Gee. You'll have to start all
over again. ~ Jack Ohman
If you like Jack's fly fishing humor, be sure to look for his new book,
GET THE NET! published by Willow Creek.
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