Yuffies, Hippies, Geezers and Worm Drowners
by JackOhman
From
Fear of Fly Fishing
We thank Jack Ohman for use permission.
NAME: Elliott Abrams Richardson IV
OCCUPATION: Bond Trader
RESIDENCE: Upper East Seventies brownstone, Manhattan
AGE: 35
QUOTE: "Sell."
Elliott make $730,000 a year trading pieces of paper with French bond
traders. It's a stressful life; Elliott used to unwind by taking martinis
through an IV bag and inflaming his nasal passages with cocaine, but
he decided that he needed a hobby to help him relax. Elliott chose
fly fishing because it's a little - not much - cheaper than his recreational
drug intake.
Elliott doesn't have a good selection of fly water to indulge his
habit, so he usualy charters a plane up to Maine or New Hampshire
instead of roll casting for condoms - "Chicago Trout" or "Coney
Island Whitefish" - in the East River.
This year, Elliot will spend $32,256.50 on fly fishing equipment.
He lives within limousine distance of the Orvis store, and like to
go there on Saturdays with his American Express Platinum/Plutonium
card (credit limit: GNP of Australia). To keep a little stress in his
hobby, Elliott likes to attempt to tie intricate Scottish salmon flies;
this way he can sniff head cement and get a little buzz if his tying
technique is a bit off. Elliott caught two browns (aggregate length:
13 inches) and seven brookies (total weight: one lb., two oz.) last
year in the Kill rivers. Elliott doesn't like to actually touch fish -
"Blows my manicure all to hell" - and thinks he might make a down
payment on New Zealand next year so he doesn't have to share any
riffles with riffraff. ~ Jack Ohman
If you like Jack's fly fishing humor, be sure to look for his new book,
GET THE NET! published by Willow Creek.
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