Scientific Study Reveals Hypnotizing Feather Effect
By Frank Reid
A recent study has indicated that chicken
feathers give off certain pheromones that
can actually hypnotize men and women,
causing them to purchase ungodly amounts
of fluff at outrageous prices.
When stored in large quantities in enclosed
spaces, the pheromones (from the feathers)
cause memory loss and induce the nesting
syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have
before the onset of winter, i.e. storing food),
therefore perpetuating their species. This
"nesting" leads to very large agglomerations
of feathers. It is posited that the pheromones
may come from a symbiotic bacteria and these
agglomerations serve to gather large quantities
of bacteria together where they breed and further
affect the afflicted with memory loss.
Additionally, anechoic chamber tests have
also revealed that these feathers emit a
very high-pitched sound, heard only by a
select few breed of men and women known as
"fly tyers." One researcher commented "It's
like some ungodly siren song. I was almost
lured in myself until I saw the price tag.
I could have spent 85 dollars on a chicken
neck and not gotten enough meat for lunch."
When recorded and played backwards on an LP,
the sounds are heard as chants "buy me, cut me,
whip me, tie me!" In order to overcome the
so-called "feeding frenzy effect" that these
feathers cause, one must wear a full,
military-grade gas mask when entering a storage
facility and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled
into their grip.
Studies have also indicated that aliens have
inhabited the earth, helping to spread the
effect that these feathers have on the human
population. They are called FLY SHOP CLERKS.
They can sometimes be heard babbling in their
own language, using words like isonychia and
meniscus.
One surprising find in this study is the affect
on the integrity of those affected. It was found
that these same pheromones cause a pathological
need to secret these feather purchases away when
taken home (or at least blend them into the
existing stash), and when asked by a significant
other if the feathers are new, the reply is
"I've had them for a while." ~ Frank Reid
About Frank:
Born and raised in Southern California, my mother
taught me to love fishing. I would fish from the
piers around Los Angeles as all my friends hung out
on the beach. At age 19, I joined the U.S. Air
Force to see the world and liked what I saw, so
stayed in for 23 years, finally retiring in 2000.
I've lived and fished all over the US and the globe,
from the deserts of California to the Philippines,
Germany, South Korea, England, beautiful Omaha,
Nebraska and about 1,000 other places in between.
These travels taught me to fish for whatever happens
to be in the local water. I now work in the Baltimore
area as a computer consultant trying to earn
enough to buy that next new rod or go on that next trip.
My wife is Brenda (who's quilting addiction rivals my
fly fishing/tying obsession) and we have two lovely
daughters. ~ FR
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