Felonious Flymphs
By Frank Reid
(With apologies to Johnny Carson and Jack Webb.)
"Excuse me officer, I need your help."
"What's the problem, sir?"
"I've been fleeced."
"Fleeced? "
"Yes, some one stole my flymphs."
"You were fleeced of your flymphs? What are flymphs?"
"Fly fishing flies."
"You were fleeced of your fly fishing flymph flies."
"That's right, and they were my favorites."
"Where were these flymphs?"
"Flat on the floor of my Fleetwood.
"Okay. You were fleeced of your favorite fly
fishing flymph flies that were flat the floor
of your Fleetwood. Is that correct?"
"Yes."
"Do you have any idea on who may have fleeced
you of your favorite fly fishing flymph flies
that were on the floor of your Fleetwood?"
"Floyd Fleming."
"Figures. Do you know where Floyd Fleming is?"
"He flew home to Flat Key, Florida."
"Do you know what Floyd Fleming, who lives in
Flat Key Florida, does for a living?
"Yes, he works for the whaling fleet cutting
blubber from whales. He's the fleet flenser."
"Let me summarize. Fleet-flenser Floyd Fleming
fleeced you of your favorite fly fishing flymph
flies that were on the floor of your Fleetwood
and flew home to Flat Key, Florida."
"That's correct. One more thing."
"Yes."
If I ever catch fleet-flenser Floyd Fleming
who fleeced me of my favorite fly fishing
flymph flies that were on the floor of my
Fleetwood and flew home to Flat Key, Florida..."
"Yes?"
"I gonna flay him." ~ Frank Reid
About Frank:
Born and raised in Southern California, my mother
taught me to love fishing. I would fish from the
piers around Los Angeles as all my friends hung out
on the beach. At age 19, I joined the U.S. Air
Force to see the world and liked what I saw, so
stayed in for 23 years, finally retiring in 2000.
I've lived and fished all over the US and the globe,
from the deserts of California to the Philippines,
Germany, South Korea, England, beautiful Omaha,
Nebraska and about 1,000 other places in between.
These travels taught me to fish for whatever happens
to be in the local water. I now work in the Baltimore
area as a computer consultant trying to earn
enough to buy that next new rod or go on that next trip.
My wife is Brenda (who's quilting addiction rivals my
fly fishing/tying obsession) and we have two lovely
daughters. ~ FR
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