Dummy Awards
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine
months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership.
He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps
it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours
attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded
himself inside his home. After firing ten tear
gas canisters, officers discovered that the man
was standing beside them in the police line,
shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B?
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped
a motorist and forced him to drive to two different
automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper
proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and
asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently,
the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk
and worked the counter himself for three hours until
police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT?
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a
line-up. When detectives asked each man in the
line-up to repeat the words: "Give me all your money
or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "that's not what
I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife
is pregnant and her contractions are only two
minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the
doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is
her husband!
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was
arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America
branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger to simulate! a gun, but unfortunately, he
failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the
high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, Cal. some
folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No
matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their
brand new 22 ft boat going. It was very sluggish
in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power
was applied. After about an hour of trying to make
it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking
someone there could tell them what was wrong. A
thorough top side check revealed everything in
perfect working condition. The engine ran fine,
the out drive went up and down, and the propeller
was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the
marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so
hard. NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE .. Under the
boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
Lighter Side Archive
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