The Compleat Angler (revised)
By Jack Ohman
All manner of thynges have chaynged in the
pursuit of and anglinge for Troute. I visited
upon an Avon seemingly teeming withe the Troute
in question, and was well outfitted with the
newest and most advanced Rods, Reels, and Flyes.
Well I knew the Anguished Cryes and consternatione
of the angler who equipmente had fayled. I am accustomed
to Cane and symplest of lyne, so I stoode in the Brooke
to field teste the new equuipment. At once I spyed a
risynge Troute and was sore tempted to toss a Garden
hackle or Earth Worme at the fysh, yet well I recalled
the Admonitiones and Warnynge of Purists who do not
of necessity neede to catch the Troute. So Goode
Sporte that I indeed be, I put asyde the thoughts
of the Meat angler and tyed on the most meagre of
flyes (size 22 creame midge) and gossamer leader.
Instantly the Troute rose and I importuned him to accept
my Tiny insecte. No Luck as Suche, so I tyed on another
and another, until I was able to determine that the
Troute in question was a Selective One. One That Won't
byte come Helle or Highe Water.
I attempted to execute Rolle Castes and Slyngeshot
deliveries of My Forwarde weightede lyne. The Troute
rolled and Boilled as if to mocke my Fruitless efforts.
More and more pyssed off I became as I maniacally
replaced minature terrestrials and teeny nymphs and
Gaudy attractors and still the risynge Troute slapped
Maerrily on the surface.
I tryed six weights and five weights and even a laughable
four weightede rod and lyne and so on. The Troute knew
not my Brande Names and Boron Rod and power Butt and
engrayved reele, and scarce I coulde place blame on him.
"Screw you," I mused as a ripost to the Taunts and
mockingyne Behaviour of the Troute and I heav'd the
Winston rod and the Hardie reele and the Scientifik
angler lyne far into the Brooke. I wente scavenging
in the mud for a Large worme and tyed it on to my Olde
Cane Pole and tossed it in the Vicinity of the Troute,
who tooke it Hooke, lyne and synkere.
So I reeled in the God Damned Troute and consumed it
on the banke of the Brooke and To Helle with the
delicate Presentatione. ~ Jack Ohman
Credit: This is an excerpt from Fear of Fly Fishing
by Jack Ohman, published by Willow Creek.
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