So Yah wanta go Fishen in Minnesota (Minta-soda!
By Steven H. McGarthwaite
Minnesota is well known as the "Land of 10,000 Lakes,"
you see it on the license plates, of our rusted
automobiles, as we drive the interstates in the
passing lane, going 45 mph. The mufflers shot,
the heaters broke, but the radio is okay; so don't
bother rolling down the window of your air condition
shiny car to yell at us, we can't hear you over the
racket from the engine, radio, and the wheezing
heater blower (I did mention the heater blower, didn't I?)
Anyway, the license plate is a big lie. Minnesota
has about 15,453 lakes, but if we put that on our
cars, everyone would think we were trying to show
off. Actually we are not really sure how many lakes
we really have, because the DNR, keep misplacing a few
every year. Some cabin owner's go "Up North" to the
cabin only to discover their lake is gone. Who took
it, and when did they take it, just what would someone
want with a lake anyway? They are not the easiest
things to transport, and where would you store it.
Can sell them on E-bay or thru some auction house;
"Next up on the block for bidding, we have a 865 acre
lake, good structure for walleye and pike fishing with
some good size crappies and sunfish! Who will make
the opening bid can some start it off at ten dollars?"
One lake was lost so many times, which is what they
finally named it, Lost Lake! One time while it was
lost they forgot where it had originally been, and
built a highway right thru the middle of where it
should be. When it finally was found after the last
time it was lost, they had to cut it in half, and have
it on both sides of the highway. I don't really know
what they did with the section the highway took up.
Any way while it was lost they also misplaced the records
for the lost lakes name. So they had to come up with a
new name for the lost lake that was not lost anymore
for the time being. Someone suggested naming it "Mud
Lake" but it was pointed out we already had 154 "Mud
Lakes" in Minnesota.
Anyway, just remember when you come to Minnesota to fish
on one of our lakes, and they tell you the name of the
lake, be sure to ask them which one is that? Have them
give you the GPS coordinates for the center of the lake,
county, nearby town, and all road names and numbers
surround the lake. I don't want you to be fishing
on the wrong lake, and tell everyone about it, when
you really don't know where you were in the first
place, even if you were have a dang good time of it,
and I am sur yah will, dontcha know!
We have some lakes in the Minnesota that are almost as
big as Lake Superior, or so it seems when a big windstorm
blows up suddenly. Lake Milli Lac (pronounce Ma Lack).
Milli Lac is 30 miles north to south, 30 miles east to
west, and only 30 feet deep. Milli Lac is on a high
area where more water flows out of the lake than into
it. Springs on the bottom of the lake supply most of
the water. Walleye and Muskies are the fish to try for
on Milli Lac. You plan on fishing Milli Lac, have at
least a 20 foot boat and GPS. Make sure your wife knows
where the will is and where the Grand Casino is not.
Leech Lake up by Walker Minnesota is slightly bigger than
Milli Lac Lake. Leech has many bays and inlets, but like
Milli Lac Lake, is only 30 feet deep. Here again it is
walleye and Muskies, and more Casinos.
Red Lake (Upper and Lower) these two lakes if counted as
one lake would be larger than some European nations.
Crappies are a bumper crop right now and they average
over a pound in size. There are more Casinos' here too.
Wherever you go fishing in Minnesota we have lakes, you
can't help but running into one as you are driving thru
the state, same goes for Casino's, why do you think
we are always saying "Yah Betcha!"
If you wanted to fish every lake in Minnesota, and planned
on fishing one lake per day, year round, it would take you
over 68 years to complete the task. You have to consider
in the time when the ice is too thing to walk on, not to
mention too thin to drive on with the car.
Speaking of Ice Fishing, some of us have pretty fancy ice
fishing houses. During the winter whole communities sprout
up on the lake over night, with paved roads street signs,
and mail delivery. Some Ice Fishing Houses have 3 bedrooms,
a living room, dinning room, family room, and a fishing
hole in every corner of each room.
One person I know refuses to ice fish, so he has a boathouse
on the lake. The boathouse is 8 feet by 400 feet, so he can
go trolling, dontcha know!
Then just as these towns appear on the lake surface, they
magically disappear. Usually at the end of January when
the DNR says they have to go, sometimes sooner if there
is a winter thaw, and the water opens up.
When you are driving your car or truck on the lake ice,
always stop when you see someone standing, waving their
arms in the air, as you are driving by. My friend did
that, regretted doing so. The man was standing on the
roof of his car in water up to his ankles, trying to
warn my friend about the thin ice. When the authorities
got the two cars out of the lake they found a third car
down there. The man, who had tried to wave my friend
down, explained that was also his car. Seemed he broke
thru the ice with that car earlier in the day. He had
gone home and gotten the wife's car to try and pull his
out, when the wife's car went thru the ice.
So if you are going ice fishing in Minnesota remember
always drive with windows down if you car breaks thru
the ice. And be sure to use the wife's car, when you
are going to drive out on the lake, to go ice fishing.
~ Parnelli
Lighter Side Archive
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