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I am sitting in the living room, everyone else
sleeping on various chairs and sofas, except of
course daughter Kalila who wouldn't be caught dead
sleeping where her parents could see her, she is
sleeping in her room, her den, or she is sneaking
in an episode of the 'Gilmore Girls,' you never know.
I am, or rather was, watching one of those sappy 'Hallmark
Hall of Fame' Christmas specials, where everybody
overcomes emotional obstacles and lives happily ever
after, it was during this show that most of us fell
asleep.
I am alone with my thoughts and I can hear their
quiet breathing. I reach out and touch my wifes' hand,
she smiles and tries to open her eyes, but fails,
falling back into slumber, but still wearing the smile.
For me Christmas brings waves of nostalgia, they ebb
and flow as the season progresses, often causing me
to look outward at how other families are fairing in
the task of living their lives, raising a family,
dealing with challenges that just come with being
alive.
Lately at our house, the big question is, "What do
you want for Christmas?" Indeed an appropriate question
for the season. My children have lists written on the
backs of random papers and envelopes. Moriah has
coached Matthias through the Sears Wishbook at
least twice. Kalila is naming ridiculously priced
items and giggling...but remains hopeful. I would
give them any and everything if it was within my
ability, they know this I think. For them Christmas
is a great experience, they have seldom wanted for
anything, but it is because they are the kind of
people to whom I would give anything I was able to
anyway, not because they are mine, because they are
good people.
The question eventually and inevitably comes to me,
"Dad, what do you want for Christmas?" I look at them,
at my wife who always wonders what she should get me
and then gets me something I really needed and never
realized anyway.
I tell them, "Heck all I want is you guys, here with
me!"
They all giggle and one or two of them hug me and
then they say, "No really, what should we get?" I know
it is important for them to feel like they are actually
giving me something, so I give them some ideas, small
inexpensive ideas, maybe a little more expensive ideas
for my wife, Skye, because they know that parents buy
and receive larger gifts as a rule, but truly, I need
no more than I originally asked, just them here with
me for Christmas, for each day after and before that
season, it is all I really need. I find peace and
comfort listening to their soft breathing as they
sleep around me.
We drive long distances often, I tend to drive through
the night if I have to, all of them fall asleep
eventually, voices drifting off into the silence
of slumber, leaving me with the car, silently
covering miles. I am in awe at these times, of
the trust they all put in me, to keep them safe,
I want to rise to this responsibility to live up
to their unacknowledged expectations, to be a better
Father at that moment, than I was the moment before.
To be a better Husband than I was a moment ago.
True enough, it is a superhuman task that I often
feel incapable of, yet their trust in me, gives me
the focus I need to keep trying, to not let them
down, to give them a place and time to grow up in,
which will help them reach their potential. Not
just their career potential, but the potential
they have to be good Human Beings. To give my wife
the support she needs to become what she wants to
become in her life, God knows she is one of the
finest women I have ever met, even if at times,
like me, she feels she is falling short somewhere,
I know what she is capable of, few others do.
My brother Gordon and I were having a phone
conversation one evening and we were discussing
our kids and fishing, their various antics and
catches, each of us in a good spirited way, hoping
ours was the best "My kids" fishing story.
Gordon paused at some point and said, "You know Kerry,
fishing may not be the best sport for everyone, but
isn't it a great platform to meet your kids on? I
had to agree. My best times as a child were fishing
with my Dad. I want my children's best times to be
fishing with Skye and myself. It is during these
moments that we have their undivided attention,
that we set the example and pass on messages both
verbally and by our actions. It is these times and
the memories they will provide, that I would take
above any other gift they could give me.
I know that one day they will realize what I meant,
when I said, "All of you here with me on Christmas
Day, or any other day for that matter," I tell the
truth and it gives me great comfort to watch them
smile, to hear them giggle and to know that they
are the legacy that Skye and I will leave behind,
at least, the only one that will really matter. ~ Kerry
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