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March 1st, 2004
The Geezer Test |
2. If you can remember watching Bart Starr play (live) in a super bowl, and especially if you remember which super bowls he played in, you might be a geezer. 3. If your hair is vacating your head and taking up residence in your ears, eyebrows and nose, you might be a geezer. 4. If you have ever attended a sock hop, you might be a geezer. 5. If your eyebrows are thick and stiff enough to scrub the dirt off a truck tire, you might be a geezer. 6. If you can actually remember when the Lakers played basketball in Minnesota, you might be a geezer. 7. If you regularly take aspirin for something other than pain, you might be a geezer. 8. If you can actually remember the terms of more than nine presidents, you might be a geezer. 9. If you think, "getting lucky," means finally winning at bingo, you might be a geezer. 10. If you wear flip-down magnifiers on your fishing hat to avoid asking a stranger to thread the tippet through the eye of your dry fly, you might be a geezer. 11. If hearing a pin drop requires turning up a device in your ear, you might be a geezer. 12. If your glasses have more than one strength in each lens, you might be a geezer. 13. If the regular movement you're most concerned with involves any part of your gastro-intestinal system, you might be a geezer. 14. If milk was ever delivered to your door in a glass bottle, you might be a geezer. 15. If your ability to remember things is exceeded by your ability to forget them, you might be a geezer. 16. If the fiber you think about most often is something you take internally, you might be a geezer. 17. If you can remember using a soft drink machine that served those soft drinks in returnable bottles for less than a dime, you might be a geezer. 18. If the popular flies you started fishing with had names like "professor," "gray hackle peacock," "mite" or "gray hackle yellow," you might be a geezer. 19. If you watched the premier of any Elvis beach movie, you might be a geezer. 20. If you can remember what you were doing the day JFK was shot, you might be a geezer. 21. If your feet fall asleep before you do, you might be a geezer. 22. If you ever paid less than 30 cents a gallon for gasoline, you might be a geezer. 23. If you remember a brand of chewing gum named after a popular card game, and especially if you can name the brand, you might be a geezer. 24. If you have ever stepped on a device on the floorboard of an automobile to engage the starter, you might be a geezer. 25. If you ever owned a new Edsel, and especially if you remember which motor company they were made by, you might be a geezer. 26. If you remember watching the Ed Sullivan show on TV, you might be a geezer. 27. If you have ever used an outhouse, and especially if you remember why there was a Sears & Roebuck or Montgomery Wards catalog in that outhouse, you might be a geezer. 28. If you can remember the "new" television series called "The Lone Ranger," you might be a geezer. (no reruns allowed) 29. If you can tell me who "Howdy Doody" was, you might be a geezer. 30. If you remember when the Dodgers played in Brooklyn, you might be a geezer. 31. If you remember a Saturday morning TV show that involved a lamb puppet and a pretty young lady, you might be a geezer. 32. If you can remember the TV theme tune that had these letters "MIC...KEY", you might be a geezer. 33. If you can remember carhops on roller skates, you might be a geezer. 34. If you know what green stamps were used for, you might be a geezer. 35. If you know what a roller skate key is used for, you might be a geezer. 36. If you can remember drinking a "fizzy", you might be a geezer. 37. If your teeth spend the night in any place other than your mouth, you might be a geezer. 38. If you remember what character Dennis Weaver played in Gunsmoke, you might be a geezer. 39. If the hair color on your driver's license has already changed to gray, you might be a geezer. 40. And finally, if any part of your body is man-made, you might be a geezer.
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