People I have seen who are very strict have all stuffed up as far as their kids are concerned, rebellion, poor esteem etc. They all openly admit now that their strictness was a mistake.

You are right in what you say about discipline by example. The key to me is being CONSISTENT. It is not so much as whether you give them a smack or not, but how consistent you are with your rules and enforcement of them.

How many parents you see going "you do that again and you get a whack!" and nothing happens. makes you want to wack the kids yourself!

I'm not against a smack in extreme cases but don't think I could condone a beating. That is only because you have lost your temper, not for discipline. My kids get talked to like people, we discuss things, and I try to ensure that I have a line of communication open to them for the future, coz I figure that is basically all I can do to try to avoid the pitfalls they are going to face as young adults.

They know their limits though, and after a warning or two and chances to calm down or change their behaviour, a smack has been known to happen. Not too often though.