We need some laughs here !!!

[ducksterman]

At Purdue University, there were four students taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' grade average. The four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go to Chicago, visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time, but after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to the campus until too late Monday morning to take their tests. Since they missed the test, they decided they would explain to the professor why they were not there to take their tests. They told him they had visited friends but on the way back to W. Lafayette, they had a flat tire and found there was no spare in the car. As a result, they missed their finals. The Professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and very much relieved. They all studied that night for their exams scheduled the following day. The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They each quickly answered the first problem which was worth 5 points. They all felt a sense of relief. With each of them in separate rooms, they thought this was going to be easy. Then they turned the page............................ On the second page was written; For 95 points, Which tire went flat?

[Steve Molcsan]

So the gang of wire nuts split up what do you call them now..-Splitbolts..Years past since this gang of electricians split up , they stay in touch but now days their all wrapped up in their busy lives ,tied up with something or other.. -They are now known as the Ty-wraps.. -What do you call an electrician in heaven?-A Lighting bolt.. So goes the life cycle of a former electrical gang member..

[Uncle Jesse]

"You know why a politician is like a banana?" "He comes in and first he is green, then he turns yellow and then he's rotten." "I think Congressmen should wear uniforms, you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors .." The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would 'hate' to have to make a living under the laws they passed.

[Uncle Jesse]

"This is a classic quote from grade school examination paper.........One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand.".Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

[ducksterman]

A married couple was taking a flight across the United States, the wife was a little leary of flying so she gripped his hand tightly upon take off then when the plane leveled off she was more relaxed. Then about 20 minutes into the flight the plane started shaking and vibrating then it leveled off and smoothed out the wife had a look of fear on her face then the flight attendant got on the mic and told everyone that the plane just lost one of its engines, but not to worry because the plane had 4 engines and with the remaining 3 we will be approx 1 hour late until we land. So the husband calmed the wife down then about 30 minutes later the plane started shaking again and vibrating the wife was frantic then the plane smoothed out the flight attendant got back on the mic and told the passengers that they lost another engine but everything is ok there are 2 engines and we should be 2 hours late till landing. So the wife calmed down a bit until approx 1hr left in the flight the plane again started to shake and vibrate then leveled off again, the flight again tells the passengers we lost our 3rd engine but not to worry we have 1 engine left we will be a bit slower getting to our destination so stay calm and it will be ok. The wife then looked at her Husband with fear and the husband said "I am now a little worried if that last engine goes we could be up here all day".

[jimsnarocks]

Bubba: What can you sleep on, sit on and brush your teeth with? Me: I don't know. What?Bubba: A bed, a chair and a toothbrush.

[ducksterman]

A man was riding his Harley along a California highway, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said: 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.' The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific, and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.' The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.' The Lord paused for a moment..... Then the Lord replied, ?You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?'