Lutran Air
This is for Parnelli,
VE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTRAN AIR IS NOW OPERATING FROM DULUT [Duluth] AIRPORT YA SHURE, YA BETCHA! DIS IS DA LATEST AIR SERVICE TO SPROUT UP IN MINNYSOTA.
ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA.
If ya are travelin soon, consider Lutran (Lutheran) Air, da no-frills airline. Ya're all in da same bote on Lutran Air, fair flyin is a upliftin experience. Dair is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.
Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad;
16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft.
Everyone is responsible fer his er her own baggage. All fares are by free vill offering and da plane will not land 'til da budget is met.
Pay attention to yer flight attendant, who vill acquaint ya vit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air 599.
Okay den, listen up. I'm only gonna say dis vonce. In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real serprised and so vill Captain Olson, because ve fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I vouldn't bodar with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes.
You're gonna have bigger tings ta vorry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair little holes. Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence fich, to be honest vit you, ve're going to haf qvite a bit of at two tousand feet, sorta like driving across a plowed field, but after a vile ya get used to it. In da event of a vater landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope ya get to da part about forgive us our sins as ve forgive doze who sin against us, vich some people say "trespass against us,"vich isn't right, but vhat can you do?
Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbitten, not because day may confuse da plane's navigation system vich is seat of da pants all da way.
No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da vazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He vould haf put your mout on da side of your head.
Ve start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style vit da coffee pot up front. Den ve'll haf da hymn sing; hymnals er in da seat pocket in front of ya. Don't take yers vit you ven you go or I am going to be real upset and I am not kiddin! Right now I'll say Grace. "Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Dulut er pretty close. Amen!
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Jon from Idaho
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~Parnelli
