We need some laughs here !!!

[ELHead]

Do you imagine that fish go back home and lie about the size of the bait they swallowed without getting hooked?

[Steve Molcsan]

Do you imagine that fish go back home and lie about the size of the bait they swallowed without getting hooked?

Of course they do .....

[Uncle Jesse]

This is a favorite story with a humorous side to it, but lessons included in it. I have probably posted it previously, but not lately.

A little bird was born one spring in a barnyard a little north of here. Over the summer it grew up with the other little birds around the barnyard. One day an older bird came by and told him in the morning we fly south for the winter. The little bird thought about this and said why, there plenty of food here, it’s a nice place to live, I have a nice nest in the eave of the barn. The next morning the flock gathered together and flew south, the little bird stayed behind.

Life was good for quite a while, it was easier to find food with the other birds gone. One morning he woke up and realized he was cold, he fuzzed out his feathers and huddle close to the side of the nest. Then he thought if I get something to eat I’ll warm up. So he flew down to the barnyard. While pecking around for food a cow walks up over him and crapped all over him. It was really yucky and smelled really bad. But it was warm, and he got to feel better. And feeling better he began to sing. A cat in the barnyard heard him, the cat came and found him, took him out of the mess he was in, washed the bird off and ate him.

The morals of the story are four:

1. You should think long and hard before abandoning time honored traditions and practices.

1. Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy.

1. Not everyone who pulls you out of the crap is your friend.

1. Sometimes even though you are up to your neck in crap sometimes you should keep you mouth shut.

[jimsnarocks]

Uncle Jesse, That is a well used and timely allegory. My plumbing broke during this cold and wet weather we are having. I have a plumber in my back yard up to his knees in a hole dug around a broken and plugged sewer line. He's making noises but so far he ain't singing. The feral cats are sure keeping an eye on him. Jim

[Uncle Jesse]

A middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance guy to clean one of the mirrors.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror. Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers and then there are Teachers....

[Uncle Jesse]

A middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance guy to clean one of the mirrors.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror. Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers and then there are Teachers....

[Uncle Jesse]

On a flight out of LaGuardia two nuns - Sister Kate and Sister Anna - working The NY Times crossword puzzle. Two business colleagues are sitting directly behind them, working on the same puzzle.

The first man says: “Say, Fred. I need a 4-letter word ending in ‘IT’, and the clue is ‘birdcage droppings’. Can you help?”

Fred says: “Try GRIT. It’s what drops the bottom when a bird cracks open a seed.”

Sister Anna then asks: “Sister Kate, do you have an eraser?”

[Marco]

Hey UJ,
I'm sure even the Pope would get a chuckle out of that gem.

Mark

[Uncle Jesse]

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products.

At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?"

"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."

"Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"

"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

[flybinder]

Ohio Tuber..... ya'll weren't that funny years ago and I see you haven't improved much!?


Flybinder