We need some laughs here !!!

[ducksterman]

I guess she would qualify as a dumb blonde...

https://www.youtube.com/embed/F6etfJ...yer_detailpage

[Uncle Jesse]

A taxi passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screams and nearly crashes the car into a tree.

"Holy cow! You scared me."

"Sorry"

"Oh no, it's not your fault. This is my first day at this job. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

[DaleW]

The psychiatrist and the proctologist

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.



Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors. The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

The docs changed it to read: Schizoids and Hemorrhoids. This was also not acceptable so they again changed the sign to read Catatonics and High Colonics- no go.

Next they tried Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives - thumbs down again.

Then came Minds and Behinds- still no good.

Another attempt resulted in Lost Souls and Butt Holes - unacceptable again!

So they tried Nuts and Butts - no way.

Freaks and Cheeks - still no good.

Loons and Moons - forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with:

Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends.

Everybody loved it.

[maodiver]

New ATM Procedures

A local bank is very pleased to announce that they are installing new Drive-thru ATMs where their customers will be able withdraw cash without leaving their vehicle.

Male and Female procedures have been tailored to best reflect the behaviors of those particular groupings.

PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS:

1. Drive up to the ATM
2. Open the car window
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4. Enter amount of cash required and press "enter"
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6. Close window
7. Drive away

PROCEDURE FOR FEMALE CUSTOMERS:

1. Drive up to the ATM
2. Reverse back the required distance to align car with ATM
3. Re-start stalled engine
4. Open the car window
5. Find handbag, empty all contents onto the passenger seat and locate card
6. Turn radio down & end call on cell phone
7. Attempt to insert card into ATM
8. Open car door to allow easier access to ATM due to excessive distance from car to ATM
9. Insert card
10. Re-insert card the right way up
11. Ignore the sound of car horn from vehicle behind
12. Search contents of handbag (on passenger seat) to locate diary with PIN written on the inside back page under "Date of Birth"
13. Enter PIN
14. Press "cancel" and re-enter PIN
15. Enter amount of cash required and check make-up in rear view mirror
16. Drum fingertips on steering wheel, look at ATM for one minute and then press "enter"
17. Retrieve cash and receipt
18. Search contents of handbag (on passenger seat) to locate purse and place cash inside
19. Place receipt in back of cheque book
20. Re-check make-up
21. Drive forward two yards
22. Reverse back to ATM ignoring the sound of car horn from vehicle behind
23. Retrieve card
24. Search contents of handbag (on passenger seat) to locate card holder and place card in an empty slot
25. Drive two or three miles...Release hand brake

[Ed_D]

If Miss Betty sees this, we'll have to start calling you "Tadpole", 'cause you'll be a candidate for becoming a frog...


Ed

[Betty Hiner]

Bwa-hahaha *cough*cough*cough*hahahaha!!!

[Buddy Sanders]

Do you know why Pirates have trouble learning the alphabet?

The keep getting lost at 'C'.

[Uncle Jesse]

[philip43]

Hey Uncle Jesse
That Hormone guide is a valuable tool to be used by young men to ensure a long and happy married life. "Here, have some wine" is a good way to tell wifey about your planned fishing trip with your buddies! Adios Philip

[Uncle Jesse]

That's not the way we did; but SWMBO and I celebrated our 48th anniversary today. I noticed our oldest child wait a long time to call and congratulate his Mom I was down in my basement office when he called.) He was about to be in trouble with the she bear.