We need some laughs here !!!

[Uncle Jesse]

Pete decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his fly line. His wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit fishing. Maybe you should sell your fishing rods.”

Pete gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”

"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

”I wasn't!“

[Uncle Jesse]

When Forest Gump died, he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "Welcome, Forest. We've heard a lot about you." He continued, "Unfortunately, it's getting pretty crowded up here and we find that we now have to give people an entrance examination before we let them in."

"Okay," said Forest. "I hope it's not too hard. I've already been through a test. My momma used to say, 'Life is like a final exam. It's hard.' "

"Yes, Forest, I know. But this test is only three questions. Here they are."

Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?"

How many seconds are in a year?

What is God's first name?

"Well, sir," said Forest, "The first one is easy. Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Today and Tomorrow."

St. Peter looked surprised and said, "Well, that wasn't the answer I was looking for, but you have a point. I give you credit for that answer."

"The next question," said Forest, "How many seconds are in a year? Twelve."

"Twelve?" said St. Peter, surprised and confused.

"Yes, sir. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd …"

St. Peter interrupted him. "I see what you mean. I'll have to give you credit for that one, too."

"And the last question," said Forest, "What is God's first name? It's Andy."

"Andy?" said St. Peter, in shock. "How did you come up with 'Andy'?"

"I learned it in church. We used to sing about it." Forest broke into song, "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own."

St. Peter opened the gate to heaven and said, "Run, Forest, Run!"

[rainbowchaser]

Since it Is deer hunting season in much of the country it is important to remember the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts. Beer nuts are about $1.49. Deer nuts are always under a buck.

[Byron Zuehlsdorff]

Baaaddd!!!

[Uncle Jesse]

Since it Is deer hunting season in much of the country it is important to remember the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts. Beer nuts are about $1.49. Deer nuts are always under a buck.

[Uncle Jesse]

A man walked into a Florida bar with his alligator and asked the bartender: "Do you serve lawyers here?".

"Sure."

"Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my alligator."

[sagefisher]

Uncle Jesse,
Shakespeare would appreciate that joke.

Larry ---sagefisher---

[Uncle Jesse]

Larry, I will take the rare stance of defending lawyers here. When Shakespeare wrote "First we kill all the lawyers." He was writing a plot to take over the government and the lawyers would have fought against that. As someone who has worked in loss control / risk control, etc., all of my professional life, I am not their largest fan but they are a necessary component of the system. Three leaders who streamlined the legal system.jpg

[sagefisher]

Very true Jesse, I know we need them. Some of my best friends are lawyers............well a few of them are.............well, one of them is.

Larry ---sagefisher---

[Goduster]

You wouldn't be a bit prejudiced would you Larry?