Just Venting

[harleybob87]

My good friend bob is in the hospital with problems and a lot of them. He has diabetis and has been down for 15 years trying to keep from loosing his toes. Today he was told he would be on dialisis for the rest of his life. He has chosen not to do that and was told within 30 days he will be dead. I just don't understand. I really want to yell at him and say get off your *** and loose the toes heck loose a leg you will be alive to enjoy the artificial one. Go fishing on the days you don't have dialisis. you have a lovely wife who would give up her life to keep you alive why are you doing this. I don't say anything except I am there for you when you need me. I don't know wether to punch someone out or just cry. thanks for listnening

[Gringo]

Its tough eh. Keep in there for him.

[gqualls]

I echo Gringo's sentiments as well. Do what you can in the time you have; that's all any of us can do. I do know you have been a great friend to this man for a long time and he values you. Hang in there, Bob.

[Fishin Bill]

The frustration from dealing with a situation you have no control over is intense. I've been there, and always think of a friend whose 25 year old son just fell over one morning at his desk at work (some kind of blood vessel burst in his brain and he was gone in an instant). She told me she'd never get over it and never forget him. But since she couldn't change the event, she decided she'd have to find a way to accept what had happened. It wasn't easy, but I think Gringo is right. Be there for him, do what you can do, and try to deal with the fact that there's part of this you just have to accept. We'll be thinking of you.

[PRM]

H Bob,

Please keep in mind that your great friend does have the choice to "give up". And that choice can be the end result of alot of trying, fighting, etc. He's been going thru a process of accepting his situation. He may just be at that point of acceptance, and has made a choice to let himself die. This is an absolutely, horribly difficult thing for family and close friends to endure - a choice that you yourself clearly are not at an acceptance point with, and understandably so. On the other hand, a great quote from Lance Armstrong: "Pain is temporary - giving up is permanent". You know this, and are angry and very sad about his decision. I have been in that same spot with my mother...

I, too, hope that you can get to a point of acceptance and support for your close friend and his decision. If he chooses to give up, you can be there for him and help him to go thru the process of dying... with honor and dignity, and with a very close and wonderful friend right by his (and his family's) side.

I pray for you, HB, for Bob and for his family at what is a most difficult and gut-wrenching time.

All the Best to you,
PRM

[PastorEd]

Bob,

Vent all you need too. In fact, I'd be glad to let you take a couple of swings at me it you thought it would help. I have been so very impressed with your compassion, and what a stalwart and faithful friend you have been to so many people. I can't imagine how hard it is to watch a great friend give up. Not knowing him or the kind of relationship you have with him, or all the particulars of his situation, I wouldn't dare to presume that you have any course of action other than to stand by him, but know that the depth of your love for him truly does make a difference. Standing by him now - whether you voice your concerns to him or not, is the epitomy of a real friend and the very definition of bravery and strength.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers,

Ed

[harleybob87]

You guys of course are right. I think the hardest part is knowing I can not stop him frustrates me. I can not judge him for what he is doing cause I have no idea what he is going through and I do respect him for his decision. His wife is devestated and that hurts to see her in that kind of pain. She is strong but no one is that strong. I just wanted to scream at him " do you know how many people care about you and would do anything for you" but I didn't. this is just one more thing in my life right now that makes my heart very very heavy and hurt like haties. I will indeed be there to the end and he will go out with dignaty. My wife and I will always make sure his wife is doing ok. thank you all for the great advise and your thoughts and prayers BOB

[JohnScott]

Bob -

First of all, it is alright to cry. And maybe it is best to cry with this dear friend, not just privately over what is going on.

Second, I see your friend's situation, and yours, on a regular basis through the eyes of my wife, who is a hospice nurse. I wish she could be there with your friend and his family, and you, because she is so good at helping people deal with these situations.

Since my wife can't be there with your friend's family, I can only suggest that you encourage them to seek out a local hospice provider and discuss matters with their representatives. Whether your friend really has made a final decision or not, hospice people can lend some support as he goes through this time in his life.

John

[harleybob87]

Well I don't know what happened and I am not questioning it but my friend has decided to do the dialisis. He will be around to enjoy life a little longer. I am so relieved and thank god for this

[Grubb]

I thank God for you posting this thread here, theres alot in whats been said, and most likely has helped others who have read it... I'm also very thankful you have another day with your friend, and prayerfully, many more...

Enjoy today...