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Thread: We need some laughs here

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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
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    Default We need some laughs here

    A farmer is herding a large flock of sheep back to his barn when a guy driving a fancy auto on a nearby road slows, stops and gets out, He walks up to the fence and yells to the farmer: If I can guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one? The farmer who thinks there is no way, Says Ok,
    The guy goes back to his car gets a computer out and works away. " You have exactly One hundred seventy-one sheep." The farmer says "That's right come and get one The guy climbs over the fence grabs an animal and heads back to the fence when the farmer yells " wait!, If I can guess your vocation, will you give my animal back? The guy says OK. You are a consultant says the farmer. How can you possibly know says the guy. The farmer says " It was easy. You came here uninvited, Charged me to answer a question I already knew the answer to and Know nothing about my business. Now, can I have my dog back?.
    Last edited by oldster; 12-31-2020 at 11:11 PM.

  2. #2

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    Yo oldster - thanks for the laughs. I thought I had heard this one before, but this ending had a twist.

    tl
    les

  3. #3
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    Glad you liked it. At least it was clean.

  4. #4
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    A middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

    Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance guy to clean one of the mirrors.

    He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror. Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

    There are teachers and then there are Teachers...
    Want to hear God laugh? Tell him Your plans!!!

  5. #5
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    Two ladies entered a restaurant and saw every waiter had a soup spoon in their shirt pocket. When asked about it the head waiter mentioned that the boss had a time saver company in and was told to keep a spoon in the shirt pocket so when someone dropped a spoon they didn't have to make a special trip to the kitchen.
    One of the ladies dropped her spoon and he gave her the one from his pocket, she notice a thread hanging out of the waiters pants zipper. He said, it's another suggestion and you are the first to notice it. When we have to pee
    we don't have to touch ourself just pull the string and do our thing. One of the ladies asked, how do you put it back into your pants? He said that's what I use my spoon for.

  6. #6
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    A lady shopping at Walmart had a bad case of gas and couldn't hold it much longer. She notice that the music Walmart played over the speaker was so loud people might not hear her pass the gas. She let one long loud one go and everyone looked at her and was laughing, then she realized she has ear buds in and the loud music was in her head.

  7. #7
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    I dated a woman named Lorraine for a while. We had a lot in common, but didn't see eye to eye on a few things. She wanted to talk marriage, but I didn't. Then I met Clara Lee. Clara flirted openly with me and I openly responded to her flirts. This didn't set well with Lorraine, and she dumped me. But you know what I said about that?

    Wait for it

    "I can see Clara Lee now Lorraine is gone"
    Want to hear God laugh? Tell him Your plans!!!

  8. #8
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    shamokin, pa.
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    I'm still laughing ~8^)

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