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(There, it's plugged in and running, I can
get this done before she comes in. The others think
I am just playing with this lap-top. Tee, hee, hee.)
I learned today that the U.S. Government has decided
in the interest of protecting the environment and
promoting the healthy recreation of fly-fishing to
'Nationalize' fly-fishing. This will be automatically
funded with the 'excise' tax already paid on fly-fishing
equipment by the participants. They feel this is a fair
method of funding as the dollars for the necessary
bureaucrats and agencies to oversee the operation
will be born directly by those involved.
As they feel the individual states have not done well
enough providing fishing water they have involved the
U.S. Army Corps of Engineers to consider channelizing
all relevant rivers, streams and creeks. This should
obviate any problem with riparian owners and their
respective states. No one wants frivolous law-suits.
It is felt with the promised addition of 100,000
'fish-cops' on the streams and lakes the muggings
and robberies will fall off to an acceptable level.
All fishing seasons will be set by the new department
at the Federal level. Fish are fish, one season fits all.
It has been proposed, but not ratified yet, that since
each of us has a unique DNA, the code be tattooed to
our inner lip at birth, (or before, that has not been
settled either),we just smile and be scanned to apply
for each days fishing license. The alternate plan would
use ordinary check-out scanners from defunct grocery
stores and a 'personal UPC code' substituted. Debate
looms on this. The reportedly proposed new department
of 'Federal Drivers Licenses' noted that some people
smiling just do not look really good.
Personally, I had thought of tattooing my social security
number on the outside of my middle finger so as to be able at a
moments notice, show anyone who requested it my co-operation
in one simple gesture. I have not yet promoted this idea,
but may start a national movement soon, just need to think
of a name for the organization.
As fly-fishing does require being able to read multi-syllable
words and some even with hyphens (these things -) that some
interest should be shown to the department of education.
With that in mind they have decided to outlaw the use,
raising and selling of worms.
It is felt that so doing will discourage their use
and not promote lesser types of fishing (you all know
what that is). To that end they feel a person should
be able to spell 'fly-rod' by the time they are old
enough to use one.
Although they freely admit some problems with past
programs dealing with nuisance passenger pigeons, wolves and
some others, they site the great success they have had
with the U.S. Post Office and will shape the Department
(Fish-R-US) after it. Since many states already require
a special 'stamp' for various fishing activities it seemed a natural progression.
No more will the gut-wrenching calls be heard such as, "Hey Bubba,howyaduin?" "Wachausin?" "Asunsnytecralrs."
Yes, we can all sleep better (including the nocturnal
version of some terrestrials) now that 'Big Brother'...
make that 'Big Uncle' has taken over control.
Plutocrats are scrambling to position themselves on
the correct sides of any upcoming issues. Thought is
being focused on until now meaningless items. Things
like depleting springs of water for bottling and
therefore dropping the flow of water to small feeder
streams. Unconsidered till now, inconsequential details
of effluent degrading water sheds, pesticides killing
fish, fertilizer causing weeds to grow in streams,
warming the water and depleting the oxygen levels.
As much of fishing is already under the control of
several Government Agencies, all doing fine jobs,
the complete take-over has been expected, indeed
feared by some narrow-minded, agenda-promoting,
self-serving reactionists, however after a few more
studies and evaluations the 'skids are greased' and
the take-over should be painless. In fact, you may
not even notice it.
"Mr. Castwell?"
'Yes, nurse?"
"It's time for your electro-shock treatment, now
turn off your lap-top computer and put it away for today."
"Can I pretend I am a writer tomorrow, nurse?"
"If you eat your meals and play with the others nice,
and stop that drooling right now!"
(After dinner I am going out and pick some
night-crawlers, tee, hee, hee. I sneak out a lot
these days.) ~ James Castwell
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