Lighter Side

What is life if there is not laughter? Welcome to the lighter side of flyfishing! We welcome your stories here!
February 28th, 2000

Vested Interests

by Jack Ohman
From: Fear of Fly Fishing

Vests should be mobile versions of your car glove compartment - jammed to the seams with useless trash that may come in handy in an emergency, like the AAA Guide to Iowa Theme Parks.

A short vest has a tendency to make you feel like you're wearing a bra stuffed with newspapers if you've packed it improperly. Most pockets on a short vest can only accommodate a first-class stamp-sized box with a couple of size 20 cream midges. The two front pockets should be big enough to accommodate two ice chests, with enough room left over to park a '66 Dodge Dart.

On the exterior of the vest should be a pair of nail nippers capable of cutting your index finger off the the first knuckle. Don't try this at home. You will also note a piece of shearling sheepskin or two on the outside of the vest, which is a kind of scrapyard for junked flies - the broken barb, the loose tinsel, the missing wing, the unraveled head that you're really doing to get around to fixing someday - that have sentimental value. In the summer, you will learn the painful truth about owning the dark green-colored vest: it's like wearing a solar panel.

Inflatable vests are a good idea if you're fishing in the Ganges, but they sometimes have a disconcerting tendency to go off at inopportune moments. Avoid surprise embraces. ~ Jack Ohman

If you like Jack's fly fishing humor, be sure to look for his new book, GET THE NET! published by Willow Creek.

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