Lighter Side

What is life if there is not laughter? Welcome to the lighter side of flyfishing! We welcome your humorous stories here!
January 31st, 2000

Buford - A Loving Pup With Bad Manners

by Al Campbell

If you share your home with a dog, you'll probably identify with my problem. Buford, the basset hound sharing my living space, has some bad manners. They aren't always obvious, but they seem to crop up at the most inappropriate moments. Let me give you a few examples.

Buford loves kids. That in itself isn't bad manners, but the way he loves them causes problems. Youngsters visiting my home will be greeted by a friendly, short dog with a wagging tail, but it's the tail that gets Buford into trouble. While Buford hovers around the little folks, hoping to get a friendly pat on the head, his tail swats the tiny visitors on the head repeatedly. It isn't an intentional act, just too much enthusiasm for young visitors that gets Buford into trouble. Whether it's intentional or not, some parents just don't care for Buford's enthusiastic greetings.

Buford's bark is distinctive. While other dogs are content to merely bark, Buford adds a baying sound to his bark. It's a select accent the neighbors know as uniquely his. Unfortunately he thinks he has to let the whole neighborhood know if an unknown person shows up near our house. While it might be ok if that person is a prowler, most of the time it's a person visiting a neighbor. There won't be many secret meetings in our neighborhood; Buford will let the whole world know someone new has come to visit.

While barking isn't always considered bad manners, barking in the middle of the night is. Buford can smell a visitor who was in the area two days ago. Of course, he always lets everyone know when someone new has been in the neighborhood, and he often does that in the middle of the night when most neighbors are trying to sleep.

Buford snores. I'm not talking about the cute little purring snore some dogs do; Buford rips lumber with his snoring. I suppose it wouldn't be too bad if he liked to sleep in another part of the house, but he seems to like being near his human family when he sleeps. He's also fond of napping in a crowded living room. Our relatives and friends don't always yell at each other; they're just trying to be heard over the dog's snoring.

You know how the makers of those dog biscuits claim that they prevent bad breath? Yea, sure they do. We tried that one on Buford thinking it would make his pleasant attitude more tolerable. You know what I mean, he wants to get close for a little scratch behind the ear then he has to breathe on you. The result was unimaginable sewer breath that he bestowed upon a picky relative who doesn't like dogs anyway. Oh well, who needs picky?

It's important to watch what Buford eats. If you don't, he might develop gas. Normally that might not be too bad, but when Buford fluffs his fur after a special meal, it's enough to wilt the hardiest flowers. To make matters worse, he usually picks the close confines of an automobile or a crowded living room to relieve the pressure. Remember that picky relative who doesn't like dogs? He likes to exhaust near her every chance he gets.

Actually, I guess some of Buford's habits aren't that bad after all. He has managed to clear the house of lingering guests on birthdays and holidays with repeated skill. The house gets a little stuffy at holiday time anyway. A good dose of sub-zero air is always refreshing after everyone has filled up on a hearty meal.

Did I mention he gets blamed for a few things he didn't do? ~ Al Campbell

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