Selecting the Proper Fly
by JackOhman
From
Fear of Fly Fishing
We thank Jack Ohman for use permission.
If you like Jack's fly fishing humor, be sure to look for his new book,
GET THE NET! published by Willow Creek.
Trout are finny Spinozas, possessing incredible intellectual
powers far beyond the ken of the average dullard waving a fly
rod to and fro. Special tools and minute variations of color and
size are needed to entice these Wunderfish into sacrificing themselves.
While we dodder about on hard ground, muttering nonsense about line
weights ard drag ratios, trout are swimming contentedly, just waiting
to make us look even dumber than we already are. Trout fishermen
are always paranoid about secret trout plots.
So we dump 600 bucks on a collection of fur and tinsel and
bent piano wire, and hope that some freaking fish will have some
aesthetic appreciation of how nicely tied the Hendrickson is. Think
again.
The names of trout flies are so ludicrous, most fly fishermen are
embarrassed to even mention the names of the flies to the non-fly
fishermen. Some names are calculated for shock effect.
"How was your fishing today?"
Oh, I tried everything, but the little buggers wouldn't hit
anything but a Bitch Creek Nymph."
Bitch Creek Nymph sounds like the title of a soft-core drive-in
skin flick, and the fisherman knows it. He's just saying it to
sound cool. Other fly names can be tossed off to similar effect:
"Pass me that Rat-Faced McDougal."
Now that sounds appetizing, doesn't it?
But mostly trout fly names are just kind of incomprehensive. The
names are usually not at all descriptive, and tend to be fairly cryptic.
Who can tell, by the name of the fly itself, just exactly what a Royal
Wulff looks like? Or a Badger Bivisible? Or a Quill Gordon?
Some other fly patterns are merely unpronounceable. I have never
heard anyone pronounce "Skykomish Sunrise" correctly on the first
attempt. The one thing to bear in mind here is this: Flies are basically
art, and a trout isn't the Art Critic for The New York Times.
Trout are able to distinguish dry flies from wet flies, and light flies from
dark flies, are large flies from small flies, and that's about the size of it.
But you won't be graded on the way the golden pheasant tippets are
arranged on your fly. ~ Jack Ohman
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