Lighter Side
What is life if there is not laughter? Welcome to the lighter side of flyfishing! We welcome your humorous stories here!
August 9th, 1999

All About Guides

by Ed Zern

From To Hell With Fishing published by D. Appleton-Century, 1945

No wonder normal people can't stand fishermen. Fishermen can't stand each other. They have to pay people to keep them company.

Guides are people who can stand anybody. For seven dollars a day and their keep, they will associate with fishermen. For eight dollars a day, who knows what they would do?

In the evening, guides sit around the campfire and spit in it. They like to hear the sizzle. After a day of fishing, it makes sense.

My friend Lyman Clark went moose-hunting. He asked his India guide what he should do. The guide took him to a clearing, and said,
"You sittum down on stump. Me blow in birchbark horn, makum noise like cow moose in heat. Bull moose, he hearum. Run like hell ketchum cow. Me keep on blowum horn. Bull moose runnum in clearing.. You shootum. You shootum good. You no shootum, bull moose rapum guide."

Fishermen call guides "picturesque." Guides call fishermen "sports."

The other guides know what they mean. ~ Ed Zern

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