1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine
months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership.
He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps
it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours
attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded
himself inside his home. After firing ten tear
gas canisters, officers discovered that the man
was standing beside them in the police line,
shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive
to two different automated teller machines,
wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw
money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop,
and asked for all the money in the cash drawer.
Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied
up the store clerk and worked the counter himself
for three hours until police showed up and grabbed
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a
robbery suspect who just couldn't control
himself during a line-up. When detectives
asked each man in the line-up to repeat the
words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot,"
the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My
wife is pregnant and her contractions are only
two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"
the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This
is her husband!
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was
arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America
branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he
failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the
high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, Cal. some
folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No
matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their
brand new 22 ft boat going. It was very sluggish in
almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was
applied... After about an hour of trying to make it
go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone
there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough top
side check revealed everything in perfect working
condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went
up and down, and the propeller was the correct size
and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the
water to check underneath. He came up choking on
water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER... THIS
IS TRUE .. Under the boat, still strapped securely
in place, was the trailer.
Lighter Side Archive