If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call
each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20,
even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't
need if it's on sale.
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's
bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify
most of these items.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning
of a new argument.
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.
A woman worries about the future until she gets
A man never worries about the future until he
gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than
his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she
won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water
the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone,
read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living
in the house.
13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's
no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Lighter Side Archive