Ain't Nature Natural?
By Ed Zern
When fishermen come home from a day's fishing empty-creeled, and
yu say well, where are the fish, ha ha, they say look, bub,
can't you get it through your thick skull there is more to
fishing than catching fish.
But when you say what, for instance, they are stumped.
Sometimes they mumble around about getting next to nature.
But the fact is, fishing has no more relation to nature than
Spit-in-the-ocean with deuces, treys, and one-eyed face-cards
Take trout fishing.
Trout are raised in hatcheries and fed on ground-up horses.
They are not even allowed to have normal sex relations. When
a boy trout starts sidling up to a girl trout, a couple of
natures lovers grab them and squeeze their milt and roe into
The little trout are kept in tanks until they're several inches
long. Then they're loaded into nice natural tank trucks and
hauled out to a stream or pond and dumped in.
When they find there is no horse meat in the water, they go
around gnawing at beer bottles, mattress springs, tin cans,
old galoshes, worn-out girdles, Silver Doctors, and the other
natural articles found in trout streams.
As a matter of fact, the most popular trout in America - the
brown trout - isn't even natural to this continent. It was
imported from Europe in 1884. If it knew how to get back
there, it would probably go.
The only reason there is any trout fishing in most states is
that Conservation Departments have learned to kick Mother
Nature in the teeth every time she comes messing around.
When you hear a fisherman talking about the beauties of nature,
you can rest assured he would not know the old lady if she
knocked him down and sat on him.
And if you got a better idea, let's have it. ~ Ed Zern
Credits: From To Hell with Fishing published by
Lighter Side Archive