We need some laughs here !!!

[Uncle Jesse]

She's single ... She's shapely ... She's beautiful and she lives right across the street.

I can see her place from my kitchen window.

I watched as she got home from work this evening.

I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door.

I opened the door, she looked at me and said, "I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, get drunk, and have sex tonight.

Are you doing anything?"

I quickly replied, "Nope, I'm free!"

"Great," she said. "Can you watch my dog?"

Being a senior citizen really sucks!

[DaleW]

(HE'S MY BROTHER.....) Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?' 'Eight', the boy replied. The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?' The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four." "Oh, really?", the pharmacist replied with a grin. "Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

[Old #art]

I think this is an old one but I will throw it out there anyway--


Medical School Entrance Exam




When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor,


so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.


One of the first questions asked of us was to rearrange the letters “PNEIS”


into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.


Those who answered spine are doctors today.


The rest of us are sending jokes via email.

George

[Marco]

We need.........................laughs or tears

----
This is truly beautiful. What is wonderful about this is that people will walk
past older persons as though they don?t exist.
This
wonderful older gentleman caused them to stop and pay attention; and so they
did!

God
bless him. Turn up your sound.


https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=102018705053574

If this link doesn'd work, copy and paste in your browser window





Sorry, apparently not available any more

[Rick Z]

Senior Wedding

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami, are all excited about

their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the

wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.



Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course, we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about suppositories?"
Pharmacist: "You bet!"

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The Works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for
disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely." Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and
indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We sure do."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "Adult diapers?"
Pharmacist: "Sure."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

[Old #art]

Wife From Hell

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir .'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I
had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. '
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car
doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,
'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?'

The wife smiles demurely and says,
'Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did
or your speed would have been higher. '

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the
man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut? '

The officer frowns and says,
'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine. '

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled
me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket. '

The wife says,
'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on.
You never wear your seat belt when you're driving. '

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the
driver turns to his wife and barks,
'WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??

The officer looks over at the woman and asks,
'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?

(I love this part)

Only when he's been drinking.

[DaleW]

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife screams at him as his friend listens in. “My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I am still in my pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! Why did you bring him home?”

“Because he’s thinking of getting married.”

[Panman]

I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager.

I don?t have to go to school or work.

I get an allowance (pensions).

I have my own pad. I don?t have a curfew.

I have a driver?s license and my own car.

I have ID that gets me into bars and the Beer Store.

The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.

And I don?t have acne.

Life is great.

[sagefisher]

I took up fly tying because I thought I would enjoy it, and I do.

I tie the Peacock Lady using Peacock Hurl, great stuff.
I tie the Bucktail Caddis using deer hair, great stuff.
I tie the Hare's Ear using fur from a rabbit, great stuff.
I tie a Foam Hopper using colored foam, great stuff.

I refuse to tie a Crystal Bugger or a Dung Beatle.

Larry ---sagefisher---
and yes, I do have a strange sense of humor.

[Uncle Jesse]

THis should make you smile if not laugh
http://youtu.be/NK-T_t166TY