We need some laughs here !!!

[farleycat]

Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. The family still used an outhouse,and the little boy hated it because it was so hot in the summer, freezing cold in the winterand stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy was determined that one day he would push that old outhouse straight into the creek.
So, one day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen and the little boy decided todaywas the day to push the outhouse into the creek. He found a large pole and started pushing.
Finally, after much effort, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.
That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper.
The boy knew that meant a spanking, so he asked why.
The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?"
The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today thatGeorge Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth..."
The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father probably wasn't in the cherry tree."

[Uncle Jesse]

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's hiney. It's the tortoise life for me!

1.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.

3.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

4.. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.

[jimsnarocks]

I tried exercising in the morning and kept spilling my coffee. Jim

[TomS]

Older Age Texting Codes:

ATD = at the doctor

BFF = best friend fell

BTW = bring the wheelchair

BYOT = bring your own teeth

FWIW = forgot where I was

GGPBL = gotta go, pacemaker battery low

GHA = got heartburn again

IMHO = is my hearing aid on?

LMDO = laughing my dentures out

OMMR = on my massage recliner

ROFLACGU = rolling on floor laughing and can't get up

EDIT: MADE FONT BIGGER

[sagefisher]

TomS

Older Age Texting Codes:

Good joke, but next time print it in a size 4 or 5 text so we can read it without glasses

I had to pass this joke on to my older sisters.

Larry ---sagefisher---

[TomS]

lol Okay, when I copied it it was in a smaller print and I didn't notice it.
I'll up it next time for ya'
Heck! I'll just edit it now!

[Uncle Jesse]

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your Mom." she screamed.

"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up."

[ducksterman]

[cmcculloch]

We need a LIKE button to let the posters know how much we enjoy their humor!

[Uncle Jesse]

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look...I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only...Smith, Jones, Baker...that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is......"