We need some laughs here !!!

[forthebirds12]

MY TRAVELS..........

I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go there alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone!

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport, you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work place.

I have been in Decisive. I was’t sure I was in the right spot so I turned around and left.


I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump there, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the old adrenalin flowing, and pumps up the old heart! At my age, I need all the stimuli I can get!

Sometimes when I think I am in Vincible, life shows me I’m not!

I have been in Deepsh.. many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there!

[kbproctor]

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do... you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

[TyroneFly]

Ever hear the one about the couple who had been married for 60 years? Someone asked the husband what the secret to longevity in marriage was. He said his wife was a woman of no nonsense from Texas. He said he learned very early on what the secret was on their honeymoon. He said for our honeymoon we went to the Grand Canyon and like all tourists we took the mule ride to the bottom with my wife leading the way. At one point the mule stumbled and my wife almost fell off. She told the mule, "That's once!" A little further on, the mule stumbled again and my wife said, "That's twice!". A little further on the mule stumbled again. Without saying a word, my wife pulled out a .357 magnum and shot the mule in the head killing it instantly. I protested greatly and asked why she would intentionally kill an innocent animal! My wife said - "That's once!"

[jimsnarocks]

[Gigmaster]

We hold these truths to be self evident........

[Panman]

Excerpt from a political Blog:

"Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons. They forget to Mention Morons."


Panman

[WarrenP]

The man laws

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)


We always hear " the rules"
From the female side....

Now here are the Laws from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE !

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1.. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.

That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about
unless you are prepared to discuss such topics
as Football or Hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh.

[Jack Hise]

Oh My God!! Warren you can now buy be a new laptop 'cause I blew 7up all over this one!!

[Uncle Jesse]

There is nothing I know of that can be added to the article below. The server told me my message was too short so I'm adding this line.
Get out of the car.jpg

[PA Dave]

In keeping with the holiday tomorrow...

http://vimeo.com/36492181