Need help with a youngster

[JohnScott]

Maybe it is just my dyslexic mind, but I can't help but wonder if the father is really a hopeless case ??

It is all well and good to point the son down another road, but I have no doubt at all that if you could get the father walking along with you, you will have given this boy a much greater gift than an education in fly fishing and some companionship in his youth.

Is there a way to share your energy with the father and the son ??

John

[MNFisher]

Congratulations to you and Nighthawk for your willingness to invest in someone's future.

At 15, he's not still a boy and not yet a man. I don't think he can be treated as either. If he's like my kids, the "stuff" (rods, reels, waders etc) isn't as important as having someone he can trust, communicate with and model himself after. The trips fishing, hunting and to the target range are the vehicle to build that foundation. (I think camp fire time is far more important than casting time). Remember too, he may not enjoy one or more of those activities. Give him exposure to them and focus on his preference.

Best Wishes to you all.

[Colorado]

Hey, I have great folks but I would have jumped all over an offer like yours. I admire your openmindedness and committment to a good kid.

I would suggest that you steer well clear of anything even sounding like criticism of his family/Dad.

Keep us posted,

Dana

[Muskrat]

Maybe it is just my dyslexic mind, but I can't help but wonder if the father is really a hopeless case ??

It is all well and good to point the son down another road, but I have no doubt at all that if you could get the father walking along with you, you will have given this boy a much greater gift than an education in fly fishing and some companionship in his youth.

Is there a way to share your energy with the father and the son ??

John

Dad originally had custody of the boy. Mom had the older brother and older sister from her first marriage. Dad has been a very bad alcoholic for a long time. The judge that gave the lad to his dad has a thing about women, I think he is a chauvinist, and recently had charges brought against him for choking his own wife. After mom got custody back dad got drunk then took his rifle and started shooting at the house with his son, the other kids and their mom inside it. His pal in the robes dropped all charges against him. The judge gave partial custody back to the dad after the shooting incident. the boy stayed with dad for two weeks and came back home. Now his dad wants nothing to do with him at all. He even made a point of telling the poor kid that he had given his Christmas present to his own girlfriend's daughter!

Mom and dad are welcome along anytime and can participate too. However, I really think dad is abusive to him as does Nighthawk. We really want to provide him that get away that most kids need at his age. Normally the grand parents do that but his are very, very elderly. No mention nor criticism of hi family will be made. Advice will be given if asked. Our goal is to let him know he is just one of the boys when he is out with us. He is very bright, mature beyond his age and will be treated as an equal, not looked down upon. We want to show him that there is time for a girlfriend, family, school, chores and going fishin' with the guys.

I am thankful to all of you for the encouragement, offers and advice here. Oh, M. K., I almost forgot. His girlfriend just dumped him the other day. Mom overheard part of conversation about it he was having with friend on the phone. When she told me what she heard I told her she better have another heart to heart with him about the facts of life with him!

Help was offered there too.

[skippy11]

My love of golf is due to a relationship such as this. the thing he needs the most it sounds like is a trusted friend. I would not start with a load of reward/restrictions situations, that will come later after he has discovered that the pastimes are worth it and something to be missed if he can not participate. Gives him something to fight for.

Also, expect to have "talk"time and be the backstop for when him and mom get into it at some point, if the friendship develops it will happen. Allot of what I am today I owe to long walks on the fairways in the fading light listening and learning.

Thanks Mike!

Rick

[oldfrat]

Muskrat, I think what you are doing is wonderful. It is kind of the way things were done when I was lot younger. I hate to say this, but things have changed.

Please get some advice from some experts to protect yourself before you start actually doing this. Find out what your potential liabilities and risks are and what you need to do to keep yourself safe.

I am deeply saddened that this has happened. And more than a little angry. But non-relative adult mentoring of youths now carries some significant risk for the mentoring adult. I'd like to see you be able to achieve your wonderful and admirable objective without putting yourself in a hugely risky situation.

Damn, I hate living in a world where I feel I need to make such a post!

[Lotech]

Kudos to you both for what you are doing. I carry a pocket size New Testament in my fishing vest. I find it a real comfort in it and wonder if this lad might also. Oh ya, I read it too.

[sgallas2]

Let me know what size shoe/he has.I have some like new waders that my teenage son grew out of before he had a chance to wear them more than one or two times. if they fit him you guys can have them free. Might have a vest and some other stuff I got my boys that they've quickly grown out of. The waders are good Orvis breathables . .Send me a PM if interested.
Best,
Steve

[CaseyP]

after reading oldfrat's post, my post will make more sense. how about sometimes including another youngster, if there is a logical one around? nephew, grandson, another neighbor, somebody's cousin's son.

at our church, we were all required to take a special course before volunteering with the youth. the most important thing we were told was to never be alone with someone else's child. yep, it's sad, but bad stuff really happened, and we're trying to make it never happen again.

[Muskrat]

My love of golf is due to a relationship such as this. the thing he needs the most it sounds like is a trusted friend. I would not start with a load of reward/restrictions situations, that will come later after he has discovered that the pastimes are worth it and something to be missed if he can not participate. Gives him something to fight for.

Also, expect to have "talk"time and be the backstop for when him and mom get into it at some point, if the friendship develops it will happen. Allot of what I am today I owe to long walks on the fairways in the fading light listening and learning.

Thanks Mike!

Rick

Very much along our lines of thinking here Mike. We are going to take it slow and easy, see what he likes and make certain there is respect for all involved, even dad. I think we are best to leave the reward and punishment end up to mom. Gives her a much more active role, more power and keeps us from looking like the bad guys too if you know what I mean.

Liability wise we should be okay. The only potential wild card there is the dad but since we got rid of his buddy on the bench he has more law enforcement enemies than friends in our county. Nighthawk says he will pick up additional insurance on his boat if needed. He has to check his policy on that. If we do go out of the area on a camping trip and mom cannot accompany us we will have her give us written permission to take the lad along. Actually I believe that in Pennsylvania a verbal agreement/instructions are just as binding as a written, signed document.

I appreciate all of the advice and all of us are taking it to heart. This means a lot to us folks. We are going to take it slow and easy but we will make it work.