A wise teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything that your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."
Let's make a deal
A wise teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything that your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."
Want to hear God laugh? Tell him Your plans!!!
very nice
I haven't read but about 1/3 of the pages in the thread yet but this one takes the cake so far. Hysterical.
Originally Posted by Marco
A man had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be the Man of Your House."
He stormed into the living room where his wife was watching television and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert.. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want! Afterward, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied, "The freakin' funeral director would be my first guess."
What's your name?
One day, the president of the company came upon a young man who was expertly counting out a large wad of the firm's cash. The boss asked, "Where did you get your financial training, young man?"
"Yale," the young man answered proudly.
"Ah, a fellow Ivy Leaguer! What's your name?"
"Yack Yackson.
Want to hear God laugh? Tell him Your plans!!!
Where pumpkin pie comes from.
It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied.. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.'
Remember this story whenever you get advice from a government official!
An elderly couple were beginning to have memory problems. The husband suggested they start to write things down so they wouldn't forget. The wife agreed that was a good idea.
One evening they were watching television and the wife asked her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. What flavor, he asked? Vanilla, she replied, maybe you should write that down.
He answered that he thought he could remember vanilla ice cream. She asked him to put some whipped cream on top also, and suggested he write it down. Naw, I can remember vanilla ice cream with whipped cream. She asked him to add some cherries and, you guessed it, told him to write it down. I can remember vanilla ice cream with whipped cream and cherries. He left the room and was gone for about twenty minutes. When he returned he handed her a plate with bacon, eggs, and hash brown potatoes. You forgot the toast, she replied.
Gary
Graig's List
Actual ad in the Klamath Falls Graig's list today:
"8 DIFFERENT FISING POLES WITH 8 REELS..IN GOOD SHAPE..WILL TRADE THEM STRAIGHT ACROSS FER TWO 12 PAKS AND ONE 6 PAK OF "MICHELOB ULTRA BEER LONG NECKS"
ONLY..THESE POLES AND REELS ARE WORTH MORE THEN THE BEER..OR MAKE ME OFFER WITH THE BEER OK."
Tim
I hope the picture comes through. This is from a San Francisco newspaper!
Folks, just remember as you read this, this person probably drives AND votes! And, may have already reproduced!
They're just fish, right? Right?
no picture so far.
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