Jed and Harold,

Since I'm a couple hundred miles inland of the salty sea, it'll be quite a voyage for you Pirates to avenge this slight upon your piraty names.
However, the mighty Columbia runs from the Pacific to within 30 miles or so of my home, so rest assured that if the perpetrators are found they will be strung up and hung from the flag pole to await your arrival for some swift sea justice.

(I have no idea where all this pirate talk came from, but I'm enjoying it. )

Thanks for the kind words, all. I suspect more people than not have to deal with this issue at some point in their lives. Doesn't make it any easier, though. It's tough to pass another person I see around here now without wondering if they might have had something to do with it.