How true Silvertop....much of my story is the same.
How true Silvertop....much of my story is the same.
I have read this thread with much interest.
I was one of Eleven. I have five brothers alive and two sisters.
My parents owned a Bakers and General Store, so they were often working 18-20 hours a day.
They were very strict and us kids got a whallop when called for. Most of the time all it took to bring us in line was a look from one of them.
If we were told we were going to get a smack, we got one. My parents never disagreed a punishment was warrented; at least, not in front of us kids.
The older children had a hand in looking after the younger ones. We also helped out in the shop, behind the scenes, and had our chores to do.
My Mam and I went through a real hard time when I reached my teens. I 'led her a merry dance'. Was too like her, Stubborn.
We are a close family, and I think we are pretty good people. The thing was at the end of the day, we knew we were loved. That the standards and the rules set were for all of us, parents included.
I think I have only hit one of my kids, once, and it turned my stomach. Made myself ill. I said sorry to my daughter who was 16, at the time. I had lost my temper. She said it was ok, she deserved it.
I always tried to talk to my children, to explain, why certain behavour is not acceptable. So far it has worked.
I think the best thing I did say to them was that it was fine to have Off days. If they were feeling down, or whatever and did not know why, that was ok, but to let me know. It saved a lot of bad feelings in their teens.
They know I love them, and that I have always done what I have believed to be in their best interests.
J
zimrx17:
No intention of stealing your post. But I want to address this to all that have posted here.
I was raised in the days of sitting down at the dinner table and discussing the days events. How was school, etc. Most homes today do not even have dinning rooms?! T.V. has effectivly killed the family events in the home. Sunday church and dinner in the
"Dining Room", attendence mantitory!!
Absolutly(?) no orginized sports, choose up sides and play softball, tag football, etc.
No T.V. Kick the Can in the evening. Rainy days, Monoply and other board games. Hot afternoons, Mumbly peg in the shade. Goin' fishin' at the pond. Building rubber band powered model airplanes.
Tyeflier;
You're doing ok! You've overcome some serious hardships to become the great guy you are today. I hope you can make it to the AuSuble Fish-In next year just so I and many others can meet you and greet you.
P.S. what's your next rod build?
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I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here!
Cactus AKA "Lucky Dog (Pirate Name)"
zimrx17:
No intention of stealing your post. But I want to address this to all that have posted here.
I was raised in the days of sitting down at the dinner table and discussing the days events. How was school, etc. Most homes today do not even have dinning rooms?! T.V. has effectivly killed the family events in the home. Sunday church and dinner in the
"Dining Room", attendence mantitory!!
Absolutly(?) no orginized sports, choose up sides and play softball, tag football, etc.
No T.V. Kick the Can in the evening. Rainy days, Monoply and other board games. Hot afternoons, Mumbly peg in the shade. Goin' fishin' at the pond. Building rubber band powered model airplanes.
Tyeflier;
You're doing ok! You've overcome some serious hardships to become the great guy you are today. I hope you can make it to the AuSuble Fish-In next year just so I and many others can meet you and greet you.
P.S. what's your next rod build?
------------------
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here!
Cactus AKA "Lucky Dog (Pirate Name)"
Every spanking i ever received I earned. My dad would sit me down, tell me what I did wrong, tell me what I should have done, and then give me the belt. He was calm, not emotional, but said it like it was and dealt out the punishment as it was deserved. I thought my dad was a d*&k while I was younger, but as I got into high school and had friends whose parents didnt take punishement measures, I noticed the kind of peaple they were growing into, and started to see the wisdom my parents were trying to instill in me. I am glad they spanked me when they did. Those lessons learned kept me and my smart mouth out of trouble, well serious trouble!
Jeff
Chris - hats off to ya guy. You - and only you, took it upon yourself to change your ways. You see what your parents were doing - trying to do. Its a nasty pitfall in the human genes - that most kids don't see until later in life - or its too late.
Everyone does their best to prepare their kids for life on their own. We try to teach them before mistakes are made. And - punishment is dealt as a biting reminder - sticks better to the grey matter that way.
Mom and dad agreed on raising us (never saw any disagreements). We got the belt when we deserved it - why, because we didn't listen to the repeat instructions. We also had responsibilities - we were on a farm - everyone helped. Morning chores before school and after.
However - if both parents don't agree on discipline methods - or even ways of preparing kids for life ... the kid(s) are in trouble. This is especially moreso when the kid clues in ... mom's the softy, dads the @$$ .... Yeah - speaking by on-going experience here. Daughter (step-daughter since 8 mos of age - my daughter nonetheless) follows the path of least resistence. My oldest son - knows not to cross dad or do what's wrong. Both kids I raised the same (and I do so for the other 2). I tell them the truth when asked, full truth - and gave them the same roles and responsibilities (ok - I try). For some reason - my son ... cares about what I expect - whereas my daughter doesn't. Now ... grandparent interference came into play (wifes parents) ... they go with this new-age 'they're only kids' BS that flies about. Kids can sit on their kabooses as much as they want bla, bla, bla ...
I dunno what happened - both kids get equal opportunity with the granparents - but our son respects me - our daughter ..... lets just say we're working on that one (but respect ... no - spite, yes).
Their worlds are built-up at school (that I believe has no BLEEPIN reason to instill any sort of morals or ethics into OUR children) - where they have to respect everyone - left-right-and-center - sorry - call me old fashioned - respect is earned. Elders earned their respect (they've lived their lives already and survived- they get automatic respect).
Kids apparently aren't supposed to take on responsibilities - 'they're only kids...'. Again - call me old - but .. when the HEY are they going to learn - when they're on their own, thats too late.
Oh yeah - another burner - you have to explain yourself to the kids why you did/said/expect something or other ... EXPLAIN ... my response (and my son buys it) 'cuz dad said so. Another been-there-done-that ...
In short (I'm babbling here, hope I get my meaning across) I expect only 2 things from my kids - i) respect for what I say/ask (I've been there - done more than they know .... just - don't ask) and ii) responsibility in doing some repetative chores (close the door, keep room tidy, put stuff in garbage - not on floor beside it).
I don't think I ask for much - but where today's society butts into our personal lives ... it's H in a handbasket.
My thoughts : A child is nothing but an adult - uneducated in the world of life - they would do damned well to listen to their parent(s). And if they don't listen - tune 'em in - as needed. Parents will figgure out what level of tuning the kid needs.
Chris,
I just knew you are a person of strong character and deep moral strength. Now I know why. Takes a lot of courage to post like that and you have courage by the bucket full. I salute you! I just know you will use your past to help the youths of today become good people. I can count on one hand the number of times my parents struck me. I deserved every one of them. I was raised in a household of love and respect for others. My parents are now in their seventies and they are the salt of the earth to me. A little swat on the rump when needed is ok. I can only recall striking my son twice. Of course the military attitude does bubble to the surface from time to time. My son calls it that look that says knock it off right now. You know, one time my son threw a tantrum that launched a toy across the room. I made him apologize to the toy. He never threw a toy in front of me again. I explained to him that it was to teach him respect for his belongings and the property of others. I vividly recall dropping my M-16 and being made to tell it how sorry I was as I was knocking out 100 push ups. I never dropped my rifle again. Thank God for my great parents and my tour of duty in the U.S. Army.
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Eric "nighthawk"
An American Proverb:
Perseverance will accomplish all things.
[This message has been edited by nighthawk (edited 24 August 2005).]
I have spanked my son and daughter once and I will NEVER do it again. I was so mad at myself for doing it that I had to leave the house.
My parents beat us all the time, but that was the discipline that they grew up with and their parents before them, and who knows how far back it goes. But I'll tell you this it stops here! Someone has to break the chain. There are other ways to discipline a child and get their respect. My kids are 10 and 7 and I'm still learning, but I've had many compliments on how well behaved and respectful my kids are, and that in itself tells me that I'm doing the right thing and I don't have to beat them.
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"If it was easy anybody could do it"
Timothy S. Furey Sr.
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