Children learn by example. That is one reason why abusive people often had abusive parents. The single most important factor is modeling the proper behavior for your children. This happens whenever you are in the same place at the same time. Far more often than the punishments in life. Therefore if you don't want your children to curse, don't curse in front of them. IF you don't want your children to steal, don't steal in their presence.

It is also important to have clear and understandable rules. No cursing, you cannot leave the area when you go out to play. You may not take things that are not yours. As children get older the subtlties of rules increases. Complex moral values need to be set. You may have a drink with the family to toast a marriage, you may not drink with your friends Friday night. You may drive the car, but not unsafely or with your friend when you are getting roudy. etc.

Rules must also have logical consequences. If you throw your toys in anger you must pick them up. If you punch a hole in the wall you must repair and paint it. If you are caught drinking and driving you cannot drive the car. This method reinforces the proper behavior and has the punishment fit the "crime".

I have raised three wonderful responsible children and administered a total of 2 spankings, one of which I regret. I do not believe it is necessary to raise most children. Their are exceptions, but exceptions are rare and are usuaslly associated with a specific condition that requires it,that condition being a condition of the child, not the parent.

Your job as a parent is to instill in your children a good moral compass and the ability to make proper decisions. I do not think that spanking is necessary to accomplish this. Spanking is modeling behavior that is not to be encouraged.

jed