Far be it for me to just go ahead and post something without asking permission, although this time I did (ask, that is!!)! Please read this honest, true to life note.

Kevin Proctor


Well, I am home. Home oxygen has been delivered, I've had dinner and a Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi. The dog is satisfied that Daddy is home and not lost someplace. The rod got picked up and paid for. And last but far from least, the Rockies are winning.

I have had 4 of 10 radiation treatments. Once those are finished, there will be a short rest and I get into chemo.

Ray, Don, Brad, and any others that smoke, I beg of you to stop now. I can not bear the thought of you going through what I am going through. Look! I quit 7 years ago! That was supposed to fix this but you need to quit sooner than I did.

Let me describe life with this for a bit. First, the fear. Stage 4 Cancer. I don't care how you frame that, it is damn scary. I can push if back for a bit but it is always back there looking for a way to sneak back out.

This can't be cut out. I have many small tumors in my right lung that want to block the air passages. The lung filled with fluid and partially collapsed. It was just a very heavy, soggy lump to carry around that was doing me more harm than good. But... It's mine and I'm stuck with it.

Now for the treatments. What are those high power x-rays doing to the healthy tissue they have to pass through to get to the tumors? (Yes, more than one) They leave you sore and you tell they are working because you get wheezy and rattly but can't really cough it loose. One day the treatment isn't too bad. The next, it will drain every ounce of strength you have and it is all you can do is stay awake to spend time with those you love. Talking can be difficult. I go from not needing oxygen at all while sitting to needing 3 liters per minute in a heartbeat and a half. I can't sit back and breathe to relax in my recliner. Or maybe I can. Do I want to try? Will it hurt?

I have no idea what the chemo is going to be like but I hear it's worse.

So prove to me you are smarter than I was and quit NOW. Save yourself this crap. I guarantee it is no fun at all.